Easy Peasy

I’d been well and truly bedazzled by Carmen this time. Myself and Cheryl were matching and ready for action. The film was being shot in a night club in the Midlands whilst it was closed in the day. There were people milling around the club. Other actors and actresses that had been cast for other scenes being shot that day, the camera crew, staff from the club trying to do their own daily chores without getting in our way.

I picked up a porn mag laying on the pool table that had been transformed into Carmen’s make up table. It wasn’t a normal top shelf mag. This one had much more copy in it and no picture sets. The name of the magazine was AVN – Adult Video News. It was full of American films and performers but the director of the film I was in today had a small write up about one of his movies in there too. Other than that there was hardly anyone I knew or had heard of before. It was interesting to see how all the American girls looked and posed. The names of the films featured and the covers of the videos.

Two other girls who were equally as stupidly made up had gone in to shoot there lesbian scene before us despite me and Cheryl being the first out of hair and makeup. This was annoying as id been up so early and hadn’t really eaten anything. The fact Cheryl didn’t really talk to me meant I was sitting with nothing to do allowing my nerves to grow stronger and stronger. During this lull in activity Carmen asked Cheryl if she would take a £2000 over night escort booking. A guy had just called in on the phone. Apparently Cheryl escorted for Carmen a lot. The fact the pair of them had just walked in from the bathroom together and literally stood in front of me to have this conversation which was very woodenly acted out gives me reason to believe this was Carmen trying to get my attention and expecting me to have pound signs ker-chinging in my ears and eyes say that I’d do it.

I wasn’t at all interested in being a prostitute. I was an adult performer. I had nothing against girls who did do it but I was taken up with my new friend pornography. I remained silent and then Carmen pranced back over to her makeup nonchalantly asking if I’d ever considered escorting. I told her no but that id bear it in mind. A polite thanks but no thanks.

We were finally ready for our scene. We had to stand on two podiums on the dance floor and dance. Now I suddenly had something else to be petrified about other than this being my first time fucking a guy on film. I hated people watching me dance. It struck the fear of god into me so I blurted out that I can’t dance. The director didn’t care and said just do my best. I looked at Cheryl and she shrugged. As it turns out she was worse than me. The director shouted action and we started jigging about like two Christmas baubles on acid. I immediately felt better knowing Cheryl hated this as much as me. At least I wasn’t up there on my own.

Then Oliver the French performer enters for the scene. He strolls in all chic and French looking. Not particularly young or studdly looking. He reminded me of the French guy in Private Benjamin, the 80S film with Goldie Horn. He was older and more slimy looking than I thought a male porn stud would be. He didn’t smile and looked bored.

We moved on and got on with the action fairly quickly. All of about 30 seconds of girl on girl tit sucking and then Oliver joined in. He moved his head in between Cheryl’s legs and then stood up and yelled cut. I had no idea what was going on but he’d gone off and whispered in the director’s ear who had then whispered in Cheryl’s ear. I was getting abit paranoid in all honesty. Turns out Oliver thought she smelled unwell. Chances of Cheryl actually having BV or Thrush were high. They are in this business. Oliver didn’t want to take any chances and who knows it could have been something more serious so Cheryl’s vagina (and mouth to be on the safe side) was left out of the scene and she became abit of a spare part.

This freaked me for a second as I realised I wouldn’t be able to copy her any more but what actually happened was a god send. As I now had two people jumping all over me all I really could do was lay there and look like I was loving all the action. I couldn’t have moved for want of trying. I had hands and mouths all over me. Easy!

The penetrative sex was fine and I was more concerned with my knees on the rough surface of the podium than how big this guy’s cock was inside me. Cheryl was asked to use an old beer bottle on herself whilst Oliver took me from behind. I watched Cheryl and her bottle which I found quite entertaining in a non sexual way to the point I forgot I was being pounded myself. Well I wasn’t really being pounded, at least not like id learn I could be pounded in later years.

Friends or Foes

Going back to my time in the Dutch webcam house I made my first real friend in porn. Her name was Cindy and she was a pretty buxom girl from London. She told me she was fairly new to the business herself but she sounded like shed done a few more shoots than me so I looked to her for advice and help. Pretty much she took over from Jody but since she was new as well we and it was kind of like the blind leading the blind we became friends helping each other.

When I left the webcam house early I later heard she left 48 hours later. She said she agreed it was bad there but that she missed me. She went home to her boyfriend and mum who all lived in a council flat in north London. Her boyfriend knew about her career choice but she only worked up to a girl on girl level as they had set some rules which basically like many girls in the business whether there boyfriends know what they do or not feel that doing boy/girl shoots is cheating yet girl/girl or lesbian action is not. I suppose alot of guys would only dream about seeing their bird with another fit girl and this is why they agree as its abit of a fantasy for them. Or the girl can say “I wasn’t cheating on you. It was only another girl!” There is safety in lesbianism - apparently!

My man has quite a different view of this and he only likes to hear about shoots where I’m completely on my own. He doesn’t care if I’m with a man or woman. Unless I’m self loving it’s too much information for him to hear.

So Cindy and I would recommend each other for shoots. If they wanted a lesbo shoot wed say” I have the perfect model for you”. If we did solo shoots wed always suggest the photographer book each other next time. We started doing a webcam show in London which required two girls. We were scheduled to do one shift a week and always asked to be paired together. Wed meet up in town for a late lunch then get the tube to the studio. Her man would pick us up as by the time our show had finished the tubes has stopped running. He’d drop me home in south London then they would make their own way round London and home.

Wed meet up socially in between working together and chat on the phone a lot. Shed call and say she might have some work could she forward me the email and see what I think.
Id not had a friend like this since my school days and I liked it.

We went out together with her boyfriend on New Year’s Eve. He’d booked a lovely room in a nice hotel id never heard of near to the club and said I should come over to the room before hand for a few drinks and then we’d all get a cab to the club.

I felt abit odd about this. Abit like a gooseberry gate crashing this couples New Years Eve festivities. If they had said invite a friend of your own or that they were meeting other friends id have felt less invasive but they insisted and I like to socialise. I was new to living in London and still trying to get out and meet people.

It became apparent upon our arrival back at the hotel come the morning light why they were so keen to trap me and get me high as a kite and wonderfully drunk.

Frosty Reception

Jody was there but either the situation we were now in meant she became a different person or she’d decided I was big enough to look after myself now. Her hands were washed of me and my neediness.
Upon arriving at the large house in Holland I firstly found myself filing in a load of paperwork in a chicly styled large white office. This was the brain of the site and its operations. They needed to create a page for me to profile myself on and attract customers. I was told that guys could spend money on presents for me that they could buy through the site. Bottles of perfume, cuddly teddy bears that sort of thing. This was a treat for me and earnt the company extra dollars. Therefore they made sure that every girl entering the house had a birthday whilst she stayed ensuring the perfect reason to buy her gifts. This fake birthday was put up on my profile with my likes and dislikes, measurements and sexual preferences.

I was then taken with my bags to my bedroom. It turned out the top floor of the three story house was for the British girls and the second floor was for the Czech girls. Amazingly no Dutch girls ever stayed there. I suppose they made better money in the red light district of town. There were two bedrooms on our floor. A third was being re decorated. So a couple living in the house took the smaller double room and I bedded in a large room with 3 double beds and four other girls including the one who had arrived with me and Jody.

I didn’t mind sharing. I was actually looking forward to it. I thought it would be abit like having a girly sleepover or maybe like getting to experience boarding school dorms for a couple of weeks and then going back to the luxury of my single bed room back in south London.
I didn’t realise the girls all worked shifts and would be in and out the room all the time I was trying to sleep. Plus the Czech girls worked the day shifts and the UK girls worked the nights so they could entertain the yanks where the time difference came in to play. It was also pointless asking the Czech girls to do nights as they couldn’t understand any English so the horny American guys wouldn’t have been able to communicate with them. So I was thrown into a pattern of 8 hr night shifts and then trying to sleep in a room of five girls all getting up to start their shifts and turning hair dryers on and of f whilst I was trying to sleep. As you can imagine I didn’t sleep much and I became rather emotional. I’ve never been a night person and my few months of working until 2am at a bar once was bad enough.

The first thing I did when I arrived in my new room was ask one of the other girls where Jody was. “In town” she said. We were free to wonder off in our spare time and Jody had taken the ferry across the river into central Amsterdam. I couldn’t wait for her to get back. When she did however I became paranoid that she was avoiding me. Why wasn’t the first thing she wanted to do was to come and find me? I had to remember this was a big house and had about 30 people wondering around it at any one time. When I eventually found her she was hanging out with one of the other Brit girls and they both seemed very pally. They were nearer each other’s ages and turned out they did the same levels of work ie; they were only part timers and didn’t do or didn’t want to do boy girl work.

Jody seemed abit frosty with me and far more interested in this other girl.
I can’t pretend I wasn’t gutted and deflated but I decided to try and make friends with this other girl too.
I’d been asked to spend some time that day watching how the other girls did there shows since id never done anything like this before.
I intended to buddy up with Jody but Jody suggested I watch Georgia and then we could all sit and smoke weed and have a girly giggle whilst Georgia did her shift. That sounded ok except I didn’t smoke but I’d rather of had some time alone with Jody. Still this was better than nothing. Believe it or not, being in Amsterdam, we were banned from using drugs and drinking alcohol in the house apart from party night which happened every Friday night and we were allowed – no change that - we were plied with alcohol in the hope we’d get into a big lesbian orgy.

Jody being a big weed smoker loved the fact she was in Amsterdam and was always being found out for having a sneaky splif. That wasn’t going to stop her. She worked hard and knew they wouldn’t throw her out.

Jody had to go and get ready for her shift so she suggested we both go to the bathroom and get ready. I could then sit with her when she started her shift and be ready to start mine an hour later.

The journey begins

So going back to my first skin flick in which I encountered a lot of new experiences, the young girl who took my porn/lesbian cherry was in fact four years younger than me. It was strange surrendering myself to a minor (minor to me, she was still 18) for I had previously been either in charge of a large number of youngsters or the baby of the group. This was unusual for me.

As it turned out Jody was also to be my partner on my next shoot. This was another lesbian scene and only a few days later. We had been advised to travel down the night before the shoot. This is quite common especially if the producer has been badly stung by models no showing before. We aren’t paid by the hour so by ensuring models arrive ridiculously early they can effectively give themselves enough time to run a plan B should we not turn up. Call in another girl or revise the script, and by script I don’t mean words. There are no words in porn aside oh and ah.

So I turned up at Paddington station on time as usual and Jody again turned up late with about minus one second to board the train which was the last of the day. We talked on the journey and she told me about the male “studs” of the industry. She explained that she had only done one boy/girl shoot and it sounded like she had had her arm twisted to do it. She only wanted to do girl/girl jobs but her exception would be if she could work with the guy she showed me in a picture. He was a little too good looking and pumped up and apparently had a massive cock which was the only reason she would do another boy/girl scene. I listened intently after all I might be doing my first boy/girl film soon and a heads up on that wouldn’t go amiss. I’ve always been an enthusiastic learner. Eyes wide open and ears to the ground, always trying to pick up on any tit bit of knowledge that may someday help me out. Like a sponge soaking up every drop of information I can draw into me.

Jody shared her headphones with me and let me listen to Mariah Carey with her. She told me in her strong jordy accent to listen to the words on Honey, of which id never translated the sexual innuendo before. It’s strange I could understand Jody’s accent face to face but later when she called me on the phone I couldn’t make out one single word of her northern Newcastle accent and in my fondness of her didn’t have the heart to say, so just threw in the occasional “yes” or “no” when I thought it the right time.

We awoke the next morning and I jumped to it showering and getting myself prepared for the scene. It was to be a three girl scene. At breakfast I made Jody write down a list of contacts for me. I was eager now id made the decision to fuck for a living to make as much money from it as I could. With only a few days to my name in this business, my first ever self employed position, I already instinctively knew one of the biggest keys to success and that was to never assume work would come to me. You have to put yourself out there. People are lazy or busy. You have to put yourself in front of them or in the forefront of their mind.

Despite Jody’s consistent tardiness she had a marvellous memory and remembered all these people’s phone numbers and emails off the top of her head. Jody liked to smoke dope a lot too and that made it even more spectacular to witness her writing this little list of photographers and modelling websites.

So now I had a starting point. That little list took me on a very long journey and I don’t think that even half of the six or so names on the list ever booked me.

My maiden voyage

My first stint in porn was in a lesbian role. We call this a girl/girl scene. It also involved having toys inserted up my back passage.

I clearly remember sitting in the office of the guy filming this episode of an adult satellite TV station series before the shoot with him testing out various sizes of butt plugs on me to decide what I could or could not take. He had a pack of three different sized butt plugs and started with the smallest one since id said I had never had any toys up my bum before. I’d had fingers and even a cock on a few occasions but to be honest the cocks didn’t get very far for very long. It was still too uncomfortable for me to enjoy anal with a large cock or on one occasion, one that was attached to someone to drunk and probably stoned to get hard enough to go up me.
It was a pretty pointless exercise and a classic case of exploiting someone new and eager to please. I don’t recall if we did get as far as the biggest plug, possibly due to the two small brandy miniatures that had been given me to help “loosen me up” for this test but apparently I passed and got the part.

It hadn’t particularly upset me that he was taking advantage of the situation and his authority over me. Life is full of people doing just that, it’s just some of us are blind to it. Sometimes you have to humour the abusers to get what and where you want to in life. I’m not really sure who was abusing who. Had he asked me to do something I had really not wanted to do then I would most certainly have walked away. If I wasn’t going to get something that I felt was of equal importance to me out of it then screw u.

So the next day I turned up to the set and met my co star. A cute young girl from Newcastle who was to become my first helping hand in the porn business. I don’t count the three agents I had applied to and joined. They don’t help models and performers. They do their job.
It was to be my first full on lesbian experience. Until then I had only ever kissed a girl my boyfriend had dared me to kiss one night in a bar. I didn’t know the girl and it was no more than a peck on the lips.

Little did I know that today would possibly mould my submissive side for the future.

It was explained to the northern girl who was 4 years junior to me that she was to take the lead and treat me gently as it was my the first time with a girl, first time I was using toys up my butt and indeed my first proper porn shoot. It was a big day for me. I was nervous but excited. I was glad she was told to be in charge. That way I would just copy whatever she did. I didn’t know how girls liked to be kissed or touched by other girls. Was it the same as being touched by a guy or was I supposed to do something else? I was suddenly back at school second guessing everything I was about to do because I’d never done it before. Not only that, I had to do it as if I was a pro. As if I was the most experienced and sexually confident woman in the world. At least when you’re at school if you get it wrong only you and the other person know and you’re forgiven due to your age and inexperience.

It wasn’t how I imagined it to be on set with a massive crew and loads of equipment. It was very much a one man band set up here. I thought that this probably was a one off and that other shoots would be all glossy with catering and makeup artists. I was soon to learn that I was wrong and 60% of shoots would be like this with the director and producer being the same person. Sound, lighting and camera are also taken care of by him. We shoot on one camera with a built in mic so no sound guy was needed. Lighting was 3 sets of Tungsten portable red heads set up on tripods in the corners of the room. Make up and wardrobe was down to me and catering, if you were lucky enough to be catered was a Texaco garage sandwich and bag of plain crisps (no strong flavours if you’re just about to snog someone else).

The cute jordy girl was late in notorious model/diva fashion. I on the other hand turned up on time which left a good few hours for me to be fondled and groped by the director/producer. I was actually starting to get board and pissed off thinking this girl isn’t going to show up, I’m not going to get paid and I’ve taken a day off work for this crap. The fact she was so late hadn’t helped my nerves either.

She showed up in the end just as I was beginning to think all was lost and I won’t forget her in a hurry either.

Porn Virgin pt2

Who am I to judge Paul and his motives?

I was angry that Paul went behind my back and allowed me to be responsible for taking his virginity in front of a camera. I felt like I’d just raped someone without knowing id done it. Like a guy that finds out the girl he took home from the club is only 15.
Even though he showed levels of bravery, determination and had a very refreshing lack of bravado about the whole deal, in a business filled with egos this is a rare and valuable quality, I can’t stop being a little bit angry.

I’ve converted the whole episode into a humorous story now. It feels like how I imagined guys brag about sex with their mates down the pub. “Cor yeah I took his virginity alright. I took it on a flippin porn shoot. Who’s the daddy now then?”.
However the thing missing, the thing that made me so angry and still somewhat so today even through the laughter is the absence of any honesty. My right to chose was taken from me and one of the most important terms of working in this business is to be given a choice.

Aside the anger, I was also looking down my nose at Paul with his naivety and lack of experience but I was forgetting something.
I wasn’t a virgin when I did my first porn film but I had never had sex with another girl and id never had toys placed up my rectum before either.
Yes the producer knew this when he booked me for my maiden scene which is probably the only difference between me and Paul but I was very inexperienced when I started out too.

A lot of my firsts were done in porno land.
The first time I got pissed on – I mean properly on my face and in my mouth. Pissing on someone’s ankle does not count.
The first time I did a double penetration – I’m not even sure I remember this monumentus moment. I can only assume it was my first as it’s my earliest memory of such an act.
The first time I had a three-some. The list goes on.
So maybe I’m not so different to Paul. I suppose as an individual I put a higher price on that special moment of actually going all the way for the first time but strangely not on anything else. Most likely my inner child talking from beyond the silicone.

I had my cherry popped on numerous occasions throughout my career and there are still things I’ve never done but anticipate will eventually get an opportunity to try out on camera one day.
Considering my last post (To do or not to do – 18th Feb. 2008) there are plenty of things I would love to try out but wouldn’t have the guts to in my real or private life. The safety of the camera means I can get daring and feel safe about it.

Maybe it’s not just me that feels like this. Maybe real life sex is supposed to be more limited (I hate to use that word) and that’s why porn has always been so attractive to viewers. Maybe there is a real freedom that comes with pornography.

Why? pt2

So id decided nakedness was not an issue to me and id also decided that if you could see my bush you might as well see what was in between my legs too.
I’ve never been a big tease fan. I’m more a wham bam thank you mame type of girl as you can tell from my approach here.
So then this little list of check boxes went on to say things like G/G, B/G, A levels and DP.
What the...?
I may be quite a modest person when it comes to talking about my brains but I’m certainly not stupid so I worked out that G/G is girl/girl. Basically lesbian scenes. B/G is boy/girl. That’s easy, sex with a guy and A levels is anal. A levels is actually a term coined in the escort world.

I felt like I was in the minority when it came to experimenting and exploring with other girls. Id only ever kissed a girl on the lips, closed mouth as a dare in a pub to impress my boyfriend once. So I decided that G/G was a definite to tick. I saw it as an opportunity to try something new that I already really wanted to but hadn’t had the opportunity to yet. I wasn’t missing out.

B/G. Well I was boyfriend- less and it was against my beliefs to ever make the first move on a guy so my sex life was actually pretty pants to be truthful. This would be a great and easy way to get laid. Laid by hunky men with big cocks too. I’m not fussy though. No honestly, I’m not.

I was a little worried about the anal bit. Although Id mastered the finger up the butt Id not managed the somewhat larger penis up the butt just yet. I’m not sure what convinced me to tick the box but I did.
I was on a roll and grasping this porno lingo so I worked DP out to mean deep penetration. I’d heard the phrase before and took it to mean when a guy puts his wee wee really deep into you. The fact that they had put this down as an option made me think - What’s up with these girls? I love cock deep inside me, but some of them obviously don’t if you gotta ask me if I want to do it or not.

How silly did I feel the minute I walked out the office and realised DP was in fact double penetration. That’s where you have two guys. One in your pussy and one in your ass.

Ouch! I thought. That sounds abit ....tight! Oh hell you had the balls to say yes to the rest of it, you might as well go the whole hog and try that too. It’s not like I can’t change my mind if I don’t enjoy it.
I’m the type to feel like I’m missing out if I don’t try something at least once.