My maiden voyage

My first stint in porn was in a lesbian role. We call this a girl/girl scene. It also involved having toys inserted up my back passage.

I clearly remember sitting in the office of the guy filming this episode of an adult satellite TV station series before the shoot with him testing out various sizes of butt plugs on me to decide what I could or could not take. He had a pack of three different sized butt plugs and started with the smallest one since id said I had never had any toys up my bum before. I’d had fingers and even a cock on a few occasions but to be honest the cocks didn’t get very far for very long. It was still too uncomfortable for me to enjoy anal with a large cock or on one occasion, one that was attached to someone to drunk and probably stoned to get hard enough to go up me.
It was a pretty pointless exercise and a classic case of exploiting someone new and eager to please. I don’t recall if we did get as far as the biggest plug, possibly due to the two small brandy miniatures that had been given me to help “loosen me up” for this test but apparently I passed and got the part.

It hadn’t particularly upset me that he was taking advantage of the situation and his authority over me. Life is full of people doing just that, it’s just some of us are blind to it. Sometimes you have to humour the abusers to get what and where you want to in life. I’m not really sure who was abusing who. Had he asked me to do something I had really not wanted to do then I would most certainly have walked away. If I wasn’t going to get something that I felt was of equal importance to me out of it then screw u.

So the next day I turned up to the set and met my co star. A cute young girl from Newcastle who was to become my first helping hand in the porn business. I don’t count the three agents I had applied to and joined. They don’t help models and performers. They do their job.
It was to be my first full on lesbian experience. Until then I had only ever kissed a girl my boyfriend had dared me to kiss one night in a bar. I didn’t know the girl and it was no more than a peck on the lips.

Little did I know that today would possibly mould my submissive side for the future.

It was explained to the northern girl who was 4 years junior to me that she was to take the lead and treat me gently as it was my the first time with a girl, first time I was using toys up my butt and indeed my first proper porn shoot. It was a big day for me. I was nervous but excited. I was glad she was told to be in charge. That way I would just copy whatever she did. I didn’t know how girls liked to be kissed or touched by other girls. Was it the same as being touched by a guy or was I supposed to do something else? I was suddenly back at school second guessing everything I was about to do because I’d never done it before. Not only that, I had to do it as if I was a pro. As if I was the most experienced and sexually confident woman in the world. At least when you’re at school if you get it wrong only you and the other person know and you’re forgiven due to your age and inexperience.

It wasn’t how I imagined it to be on set with a massive crew and loads of equipment. It was very much a one man band set up here. I thought that this probably was a one off and that other shoots would be all glossy with catering and makeup artists. I was soon to learn that I was wrong and 60% of shoots would be like this with the director and producer being the same person. Sound, lighting and camera are also taken care of by him. We shoot on one camera with a built in mic so no sound guy was needed. Lighting was 3 sets of Tungsten portable red heads set up on tripods in the corners of the room. Make up and wardrobe was down to me and catering, if you were lucky enough to be catered was a Texaco garage sandwich and bag of plain crisps (no strong flavours if you’re just about to snog someone else).

The cute jordy girl was late in notorious model/diva fashion. I on the other hand turned up on time which left a good few hours for me to be fondled and groped by the director/producer. I was actually starting to get board and pissed off thinking this girl isn’t going to show up, I’m not going to get paid and I’ve taken a day off work for this crap. The fact she was so late hadn’t helped my nerves either.

She showed up in the end just as I was beginning to think all was lost and I won’t forget her in a hurry either.

Porn Virgin pt2

Who am I to judge Paul and his motives?

I was angry that Paul went behind my back and allowed me to be responsible for taking his virginity in front of a camera. I felt like I’d just raped someone without knowing id done it. Like a guy that finds out the girl he took home from the club is only 15.
Even though he showed levels of bravery, determination and had a very refreshing lack of bravado about the whole deal, in a business filled with egos this is a rare and valuable quality, I can’t stop being a little bit angry.

I’ve converted the whole episode into a humorous story now. It feels like how I imagined guys brag about sex with their mates down the pub. “Cor yeah I took his virginity alright. I took it on a flippin porn shoot. Who’s the daddy now then?”.
However the thing missing, the thing that made me so angry and still somewhat so today even through the laughter is the absence of any honesty. My right to chose was taken from me and one of the most important terms of working in this business is to be given a choice.

Aside the anger, I was also looking down my nose at Paul with his naivety and lack of experience but I was forgetting something.
I wasn’t a virgin when I did my first porn film but I had never had sex with another girl and id never had toys placed up my rectum before either.
Yes the producer knew this when he booked me for my maiden scene which is probably the only difference between me and Paul but I was very inexperienced when I started out too.

A lot of my firsts were done in porno land.
The first time I got pissed on – I mean properly on my face and in my mouth. Pissing on someone’s ankle does not count.
The first time I did a double penetration – I’m not even sure I remember this monumentus moment. I can only assume it was my first as it’s my earliest memory of such an act.
The first time I had a three-some. The list goes on.
So maybe I’m not so different to Paul. I suppose as an individual I put a higher price on that special moment of actually going all the way for the first time but strangely not on anything else. Most likely my inner child talking from beyond the silicone.

I had my cherry popped on numerous occasions throughout my career and there are still things I’ve never done but anticipate will eventually get an opportunity to try out on camera one day.
Considering my last post (To do or not to do – 18th Feb. 2008) there are plenty of things I would love to try out but wouldn’t have the guts to in my real or private life. The safety of the camera means I can get daring and feel safe about it.

Maybe it’s not just me that feels like this. Maybe real life sex is supposed to be more limited (I hate to use that word) and that’s why porn has always been so attractive to viewers. Maybe there is a real freedom that comes with pornography.

my face & face space

Speaking of virginity, how marvellous is social networking?
The guy I lost mine to has just tracked me down via Face Book.
After all the guys I’ve had how strange to now be chatting with guy no.1

Porn Virgin

I can honestly say I don’t remember the details of losing my virginity.

I remember where and with whom and the basics of how the event unfolded but I can’t recall exactly how old I was or the date or the finer points of this typically memorable experience for most young girls.

I remember the details of my first porn shag much more clearly in fact.

The thing that I clearly remember is being told how id taken some guys virginity on set months after the scene had taken place.

It does happen. People lose their virginity in porn films. I don’t mean like the thousands of films that claim the star is an 18 year old college virgin. Please don’t tell me you fell for that line. I’m talking about genuine real life virgins. In porn this is rare and usually done in the guise of female domination with a male virgin.

Id arranged a 2 day shoot at a studio in south London to roll out some quality boy/girl picture sets for my website. I was going to shoot 6 guys. 2 sets for each guy. So that’s 12 fucks for me. For whatever reason I didn’t or couldn’t pay for my male talent so Id arranged my co performers based on a collection of emails id received from guys wanting to get a break into the business. Now this opens a whole new can of worms to which I will keep a lid on just for now.

I carefully picked the 6 guys based on a mix of who was good looking, who had a big todger , who had done shoots before therefore having a base knowledge of what to expect – not getting confused with them actually being any good at these previous shoots but they had the experience at least. Lastly I picked them on fitting certain niches or styles such as black guy/white girl or older guy/younger girl so that we could achieve some variety.

Bottom line - all of these guys would work for free and were at least semi believable as professional porn studs. I in return would get my pictures and give them a helping hand into the industry.

Paul was very shy and didn’t say much but I gathered this was his first shoot. He lived with his mum still, bless! He was young and seemed eager and that was good enough for me right then.
We had just finished the first set when the next model turned up early. A flash of inspiration resulted in my idea to do a threesome scene with myself and both the guys. The new arrival was the best looking of the bunch and the one who went on to become one of the main UK male performers for awhile.

Two of the guys got regular work in the business although they were often only used as last resorts or cheap alternatives. They were not by a long shot to the standards of the pros.

Poor Paul had fumbled his way through the first set and without really thinking about him Id now thrown him into a daunting scenario alongside an Italian Adonis type to his cute little boy next door look. All I cared about was that this created a fantastic situation for me to have two cocks. The camera never focuses on the guys aside their manhood so it didn’t matter that they looked so oddly mis-matched.

It’s easy to feel like a spare part in a threesome and it takes assertion to make it work. I knew it was Pauls first shoot so I directed him and worked hard to get him included in the action or he would have ended up looking like a nosey neighbour who had popped by to see what was going on and standing on the outskirts just watching. The Italian stallion had done this before once or twice as well as being very sexually confident to boot. Paul now seemed to go to bits next to him.

In the preceding months I received several emails from Paul asking if I had any more work for him. I don’t think I answered him and if I did it would only be to politely say no. He did the worst of all the guys that day. I put it all down to nerves as it often is with new guys trying out but I honestly didn’t think porn was for him even if he hadn’t been so anxious.
I did manage to get him one stint in a gang bang film. The producer couldn’t use professional studs for this as it needed to look amateur. I think this request must have coincided with one of Pauls emails so I hooked him up with the producer. I had after all promised him a leg up in the business. If anyone asked Id tell the truth and say that he didn’t really have what it took but id kept my side of the bargain to him.
A few days after the gang bang shoot I had a call from the producer to say thanks for the guy’s id recommended. Paul had attended the gang bang and from what I can make out didn’t prove himself any better there. Much like before, with the threesome shoot we did, he stood on the outskirts and fumbled along quietly.

Then to my amazement the producer commented “[he’s] not bad for someone who’s only ever had sex once”.
WTF?
“Yeah. Didn’t you know he was a virgin until you did that shoot with him?”
OMG!
I took this guys virginity!

On a porn set!

And I didn’t even know it!

I was actually a little angry Paul hadn’t said anything to me. It’s a big deal taking someone’s virginity and had I known I would never have agreed to it. It would have explained his shyness. Well it wasn’t actually shyness now was it? It was not knowing the fuck what he was doing... AT ALL.

What on earth was going through this guy’s head? Why on earth would anyone want to lose their virginity on a porn set?
Was he desperate? Was it some sort of fantasy?

He was definitely the shy, quiet type and I could easily imagine him having difficulty in chatting to girls so maybe it was out of desperation. But to do it for the first time on a porn set. That’s like suicide. It could really screw your head up. Porn sex isn’t like real sex. Porn is like dancing a carefully choreographed ballet instead of free styling on the night club dance floor. Its fake is what it is. It would be like getting married only to gain a green card. If you’re going to do something as life defining as losing your virginity, do not cheapen it by doing it on a porn set. Do it for the right reasons. Then every other time after that you can do it on porn set. The first time should be real and special.

On the other hand even if he was desperate, it took balls to go through with it and even to think about it in the first place. I was still angry that id been made to be part of this. Maybe that’s why he never said. Maybe he knew he was wrong to be doing it that way.

Crazy guy.