Being Recognised

Many people assume porn stars walk around with transvestite style war paint makeup and big hair all the time. If you don’t look like a trashy Essex girl out on the tiles of a Saturday night you can’t possibly be a porn star!

I’ve said before that I fit into the girl next door category very well and I’m glad of this for one thing alone. I don’t get recognised and no one would readily believe I am a porn star without good evidence. I look too normal for that and in fact when on the odd occasion I have told people what I do half of them laugh at and attempt to humour me.

I hate wearing makeup when I’m not working and the only time I even venture near a mirror to fix up is if I’m going out for a fancy night out that requires abit of polishing. If I’m simply going local I don’t worry about my face or looks.

I dress down too. A lot of girls go for the off duty glamour girl look in tight jeans and skimpy cleavage promoting tops finished off with a pair of Ugg boots. I wear my sloppy stuff and Ugg boots too but I really do look like I’ve made no effort when I do it. Those girls still look polished and styled.

This is just me. I don’t attempt to go out in disguise. It seems to work though.

Not that I haven’t been recognised. The most embarrassing time was when I was out for the night with my boyfriend and his family. Luckily they know what I do or it could have been very awkward but I think they were as shocked as me when some guy had his girlfriend take a picture on his camera phone of me and him together. I was more worried about his partner decking me in a jealous rage than what the rellies thought but she was all smiles. Luckily I had dressed up that night! I may not be a glamour puss but I have a vain streak and wouldn’t want a porno fan having his picture taken with me looking like a tramp.

I also got spotted outside the GU clinic once after getting my sexual health test. I strongly suspect this guy had worked out where all the porn stars went for their tests and was loitering with intent. This wasn’t exactly confidential information and abit of Googling would easily give you access to that information. I rushed out the main entrance and ran up the street to grab the tube and dash off for my next job when some guy ran after me and asked for my telephone no. so he could book me. He said he was a fan and wanted to do the amateur thing – fair enough but I’m not giving any stranger on the street my phone no. I told him the name of a website where he could find my model advert and to book me through that. He kept trying to find reason to stand and chat to me but when I told him I was in a rush to get to a shoot he went all drooley at the thought of me getting yet another good stuffing from some well endowed stud and sent me on my way.

The first time someone I actually knew found out what I was doing was when I was rudely awoken from a Sunday morning lie in by an old friend and work colleague from back in my home town and old life. She was a few years younger than me and I always thought of her as quite sweet and innocent. We had drifted apart abit but still kept in touch - just about. You can imagine my surprise then when she comes straight out and says ‘was that you I saw on Television X last night with some other girl?’ For a split second I was concerned about what she thought of me. Not that I cared that she knew or not. I wasn’t trying to hide it or anything but then I was overcome with concern for her. What the hell was she doing watching Television X?

Apparently her man liked to watch it from time to time. I was definitely more shocked about her being exposed to adult material than she was about me staring in it. She thought it was funny and gave me encouragement. I think she thought it was cool that she now personally knew a porn star. Not that I was a star in those days more a mere debutant.

She assured me that she was grown up enough to watch porn and not to worry about her but was abit confused as she had viewed me in a lesbian scene. Did this mean I was a lesbian? It was now my turn to assure her that although id wondered for abit if I maybe was that I actually wasn’t. ‘Oh, that’s ok then’ she said. I think that admittance would have shocked her even more than seeing her old friend and boss taking it up the bum on late night adult satellite television.

Porn Virgin pt2

Who am I to judge Paul and his motives?

I was angry that Paul went behind my back and allowed me to be responsible for taking his virginity in front of a camera. I felt like I’d just raped someone without knowing id done it. Like a guy that finds out the girl he took home from the club is only 15.
Even though he showed levels of bravery, determination and had a very refreshing lack of bravado about the whole deal, in a business filled with egos this is a rare and valuable quality, I can’t stop being a little bit angry.

I’ve converted the whole episode into a humorous story now. It feels like how I imagined guys brag about sex with their mates down the pub. “Cor yeah I took his virginity alright. I took it on a flippin porn shoot. Who’s the daddy now then?”.
However the thing missing, the thing that made me so angry and still somewhat so today even through the laughter is the absence of any honesty. My right to chose was taken from me and one of the most important terms of working in this business is to be given a choice.

Aside the anger, I was also looking down my nose at Paul with his naivety and lack of experience but I was forgetting something.
I wasn’t a virgin when I did my first porn film but I had never had sex with another girl and id never had toys placed up my rectum before either.
Yes the producer knew this when he booked me for my maiden scene which is probably the only difference between me and Paul but I was very inexperienced when I started out too.

A lot of my firsts were done in porno land.
The first time I got pissed on – I mean properly on my face and in my mouth. Pissing on someone’s ankle does not count.
The first time I did a double penetration – I’m not even sure I remember this monumentus moment. I can only assume it was my first as it’s my earliest memory of such an act.
The first time I had a three-some. The list goes on.
So maybe I’m not so different to Paul. I suppose as an individual I put a higher price on that special moment of actually going all the way for the first time but strangely not on anything else. Most likely my inner child talking from beyond the silicone.

I had my cherry popped on numerous occasions throughout my career and there are still things I’ve never done but anticipate will eventually get an opportunity to try out on camera one day.
Considering my last post (To do or not to do – 18th Feb. 2008) there are plenty of things I would love to try out but wouldn’t have the guts to in my real or private life. The safety of the camera means I can get daring and feel safe about it.

Maybe it’s not just me that feels like this. Maybe real life sex is supposed to be more limited (I hate to use that word) and that’s why porn has always been so attractive to viewers. Maybe there is a real freedom that comes with pornography.