Stick Wit Choo

So you see there is more to being a dumb blonde porn chic or ditzy glamour girl than simply throwing poses in well... not very much at all and it’s not all just laying on my back having the time of my life getting shagged senseless.

Somewhere in there, there is a business woman, a PR exec, a makeup artist, a personal trainer, a driver or chauffer, a secretary, an agent, a wardrobe assistant and on and on and on.

If I had to be honest id say for every day I spend on back of house stuff I do one hour of actual paid work.

Talking of paid work I managed to befriend one of the industries core players who became one of my main bookers for a period of time.

I was passed Peters number by an amateur photographer. At the end of the shoot the guy wrote down a number and said he knew Peter, who was a long standing professional photographer in the business, was always interested in new girls and that I should give him a call, so I did. Turns out Peter was passing my way later that day so asked if he could stop by for an informal chat to see what I looked like and discuss how he works. I didn’t know any better at the time and Peter sounded nice enough and pretty much promised me work over the phone so I agreed to meet in order to seal the deal. I didn’t have any issues with him popping by like this but over the years I became aware that nine times out of ten anyone asking to come and meet you pre shoot was a time waster or something equally as dodgy but most likely just looking for a free shag. Sometimes I get quite offended when I think about how stupid some people perceive women and models in particular to be.

So really Peter was lucky I was still new and naive as I wouldn’t have entertained that notion for too many months longer. We met and I made him tea. He was a bit on the touchy feely side but in more of a big brother hug than a creepy perv kind of manner which pushed any worries I had about my safety around him away. He talked like he’d known me for years. He told me about himself, how he only lived about 5 miles away from me and how he used to be a Page 3 photographer for one of the tabloids until he fell out with the papers owner. He went on to tell me how he didn’t just photograph girls but also arty black and white landscapes as well. Peter showed me some of these images in a calendar he’d had made up and they were impressive. He gave me a calendar to keep. He told me that he often took girls out for Chinese and that he only ever ate Chinese or McDonalds. I didn’t even have to ask if these dining experiences were romantic as his storeys were so matter of fact. He was just everyone’s mate.

He described what he had in mind for me. He had a film producer friend he worked with and they would come to my flat and do some pictures and a film. It would be a boy/girl shoot with a male model called Vince but this particular film was centred around the fact that Peter was going to join in in a gonzo fashion and take over from Vince half way through. For a fleeting second I wasn’t overly happy with this purely because Peter was the complete opposite of anything I found attractive. He wasn’t fat or spotty he just was the opposite of everything that ticked my box. I wanted the work though and knew if I said I didn’t want to work with him he’d say that he wouldn’t be able to use me for the shoot as that was the whole point of the film.

I put my professional head on and concentrated on the fact that not every guy I was going to work with was going to be a stunner. Come on, Oliver wasn’t particularly good looking and neither was Big Dave. It certainly wasn’t a case of beggars can’t be choosers but as you know I was taking my new career seriously so I pushed my concerns out of my head and agreed.

That mixed with the fact Peter told me about loads of other jobs he could book me for if I did well in this first one meant the cons of having to grin and bare something so non life threatening for a few hours was worth it with the pros out weighting this decreasing concern. He also said he’d take me to his studio and shoot my first professional portfolio images.

I decided Peter was a generous guy and one that might take me places so I made a mental note to stick to him like glue which seemed to suit him and his pally demeanour.

Taking My A Levels

Id finished my first boy/girl sex scene and was relieved it was finally over. I now knew what I could expect in future. It hadn’t been at all as harrowing as id thought and I was left feeling silly for being so nervous in the first place. I thought I’d done well and the director/producer verified this with compliments to that effect.

I was getting changed when Carmen came over and asked if id stay on to do an boy/girl scene with A levels later today as id done so well. Ah, so A levels as people kept referring to was anal. The penny dropped for me. Id been thinking it was strange how they expected so many girls to be so educted for such an unskilled role. Initially I was told this would be with Oliver again but just me and him this time. I was elated with the fact id gotten through the first momentous scene in my career and thought I was on a roll so agreed. I was feeling invincible and on a natural high. I explained it would be my first anal with a guy on film and in all truth would probably be the first real anal sex id experience in my life. Id tried anal sex with an old boyfriend but it was too painful. I don’t think he’d even gotten himself fully inside of me but I knew if I agreed to this now it would be the real deal.

At the time I thought Carmen was genuine about being impressed with me and I was flattered into working again but the reality was that some other girl had most likely let them down and since I was there and fresh meat I would do as a replacement.

The afternoon dragged on and I still hadn’t eaten properly. There was one more scene to shoot after my threesome and then I’d do my anal scene with Oliver. Oliver was obviously bored waiting around too but his idea to fill himself up with cocaine had a knock on effect and soon he made excuses saying he had a cold and felt ill and was going home. What he really meant was he’d over indulged and wouldn’t be able to get a hard on. For a moment I thought that meant the scene was off and if I’d been nervous this morning before my first scene I was about to get the fright of my life. Oliver’s fill in would be the director/producer who was also a famed performer as many producer/director/actors in the industry often were. I suppose it’s a cost effective way to work as they are skilled to do two or three of the jobs required to make a porno, many choosing to do both or all at the same time since the trend for gonzo and amateur porn evolved. Remember I called them one man bands?! But it’s one less pay cheque at the end of the day. It also ensures they get as much work as they want and don’t have to rely on other firms booking them.

My horror came from knowing this particular guys reputation. He was famed for having the biggest penis in British porn at the time. I’d never seen it but id been told numerous times about it. Apparently it was about 14 inches long.

I tried to get myself out of this fast by saying I didn’t think I would be able to take such a big guy my first time. Now I really had reason to be scared and nervous and would do anything to not have to go through with it. I didn’t want to let them down but I also didn’t want to put myself in a position where I could end up hurt. Even in those early days where I still had one hell of alot of learning to do about my body and its limits I knew this was a bad move.

One of the girls who worked closely with this guy, whose name was Big Dave, said she had some numbing cream in her bag and that I could use that. I was supposed to put it on my anus and I wouldn’t be able to feel if it hurt. The down and dangerous side of numbing cream or anything with Benzocaine in it is that you can do yourself alot of mischief if you use it. Nature’s way of telling you you are about to damage yourself is to cause you to feel pain but if you don’t have that warning signal you end up with a torn ass hole in my case.

Big Dave did something then that I will always remember and be grateful for. At the time I thought he was just being an arse but he insisted I didn’t use the cream saying it could make things worse. I was starting to really panic now and felt sick and hysterical. I think he could see this. He promised me that if it hurt we could use the cream but insisted we tried it without first. He calmed me down and said he would take his time and go slow. This is exactly what I needed to hear but unfortunately it would be one of the only times in porn that anyone showed me some respect and compassion. This is why I remember it so vividly. I always described Big Dave as a gentleman after this to anyone who asked about my experiences with him.

Easy Peasy

I’d been well and truly bedazzled by Carmen this time. Myself and Cheryl were matching and ready for action. The film was being shot in a night club in the Midlands whilst it was closed in the day. There were people milling around the club. Other actors and actresses that had been cast for other scenes being shot that day, the camera crew, staff from the club trying to do their own daily chores without getting in our way.

I picked up a porn mag laying on the pool table that had been transformed into Carmen’s make up table. It wasn’t a normal top shelf mag. This one had much more copy in it and no picture sets. The name of the magazine was AVN – Adult Video News. It was full of American films and performers but the director of the film I was in today had a small write up about one of his movies in there too. Other than that there was hardly anyone I knew or had heard of before. It was interesting to see how all the American girls looked and posed. The names of the films featured and the covers of the videos.

Two other girls who were equally as stupidly made up had gone in to shoot there lesbian scene before us despite me and Cheryl being the first out of hair and makeup. This was annoying as id been up so early and hadn’t really eaten anything. The fact Cheryl didn’t really talk to me meant I was sitting with nothing to do allowing my nerves to grow stronger and stronger. During this lull in activity Carmen asked Cheryl if she would take a £2000 over night escort booking. A guy had just called in on the phone. Apparently Cheryl escorted for Carmen a lot. The fact the pair of them had just walked in from the bathroom together and literally stood in front of me to have this conversation which was very woodenly acted out gives me reason to believe this was Carmen trying to get my attention and expecting me to have pound signs ker-chinging in my ears and eyes say that I’d do it.

I wasn’t at all interested in being a prostitute. I was an adult performer. I had nothing against girls who did do it but I was taken up with my new friend pornography. I remained silent and then Carmen pranced back over to her makeup nonchalantly asking if I’d ever considered escorting. I told her no but that id bear it in mind. A polite thanks but no thanks.

We were finally ready for our scene. We had to stand on two podiums on the dance floor and dance. Now I suddenly had something else to be petrified about other than this being my first time fucking a guy on film. I hated people watching me dance. It struck the fear of god into me so I blurted out that I can’t dance. The director didn’t care and said just do my best. I looked at Cheryl and she shrugged. As it turns out she was worse than me. The director shouted action and we started jigging about like two Christmas baubles on acid. I immediately felt better knowing Cheryl hated this as much as me. At least I wasn’t up there on my own.

Then Oliver the French performer enters for the scene. He strolls in all chic and French looking. Not particularly young or studdly looking. He reminded me of the French guy in Private Benjamin, the 80S film with Goldie Horn. He was older and more slimy looking than I thought a male porn stud would be. He didn’t smile and looked bored.

We moved on and got on with the action fairly quickly. All of about 30 seconds of girl on girl tit sucking and then Oliver joined in. He moved his head in between Cheryl’s legs and then stood up and yelled cut. I had no idea what was going on but he’d gone off and whispered in the director’s ear who had then whispered in Cheryl’s ear. I was getting abit paranoid in all honesty. Turns out Oliver thought she smelled unwell. Chances of Cheryl actually having BV or Thrush were high. They are in this business. Oliver didn’t want to take any chances and who knows it could have been something more serious so Cheryl’s vagina (and mouth to be on the safe side) was left out of the scene and she became abit of a spare part.

This freaked me for a second as I realised I wouldn’t be able to copy her any more but what actually happened was a god send. As I now had two people jumping all over me all I really could do was lay there and look like I was loving all the action. I couldn’t have moved for want of trying. I had hands and mouths all over me. Easy!

The penetrative sex was fine and I was more concerned with my knees on the rough surface of the podium than how big this guy’s cock was inside me. Cheryl was asked to use an old beer bottle on herself whilst Oliver took me from behind. I watched Cheryl and her bottle which I found quite entertaining in a non sexual way to the point I forgot I was being pounded myself. Well I wasn’t really being pounded, at least not like id learn I could be pounded in later years.

The Real Deal

My first official and professional boy/girl skin flick was certainly a momentous day to remember for me.

I had been cast in a two girl one guy scene. I found out on the day when I arrived at the location bright and far too early that the guy I was to be working with was a famous French porn star. The other girl was a young jail bait type. I kept hearing her name a lot so I assumed she was fairly popular and this made me aspire to work with her. I was quite excited about this scene really. I got to work with the legendary Cheryl Blows – well she was legendary in my naive head and I got to do my first proper sex scene with a man. I assumed Cheryl would be like Jody and take me under her wing. In fact id heard that Cheryl and Jody were quite pally and had work a lot together so I assumed Cheryl would be Jody mark two.

I was of course wrong. Cheryl had an attitude problem. Well that’s how I surmised it. In retrospect she didn’t, she just was a very private and aloof girl and didn’t involve herself with other people in the business. She was very young and so had a popular look and her personality or seeming lack of it made her appear even younger and almost shy.

Still I tried to make her like me and focused on the fact I still got to say I worked with her.

I was nervous it being my first full sex scene with an actual live penis. I kind of hoped Cheryl would take the lead as Jody had done before so that I could copy. I was glad it was a two girl threesome so at least I wasn’t completely out there on my own. Of course id had sex before plenty of times. It wasn’t like I didn’t know how to fuck but porn wasn’t really like real life. I mean for starters you didn’t have all the thrill and build up of managing to pull someone before you take them home and shag their socks off. It’s kind of like all the emotional stuff is taken away first and you’re thrown in the deep end. It’s kind of weird picking things up half way through a story and being expected to be as passionate as if you had worked really hard to snare this hunk of a guy and get him back to your place.

That’s the acting part and it’s also one of the parts that will screw you up in the head most in this business. At first you just get through it on nerves and anticipation alone but soon you get bored of it and start looking like a bad actress. That’s when the booze and drugs start being a requirement to get through it.

I was so nervous. That was to be expected I guess but I felt like a freak for being nervous. Everyone on the set had had sex before and most were used to watching other people doing it. I wasn’t used to any of this though but I tried hard not to let it show and prayed Cheryl read my mind telepathically and did guide me through.

Me and Cheryl got made up by the makeup artist who also happened to be the producer/directors pimp wife. She was a pretty plump lady who seemed deluded about her age. Mutton dressed as lamb sprung to mind. She had been a porn actress herself in her younger years, her massive breasts managing to make her very popular not just in the UK but also largely (pardon the pun) in Europe.

Carmen booked the girls for the shoots and acted as a makeup artist on the day. I came to the conclusion after a few shoots with this company that Carmen liked to be in charge of make up so she could make the girls look like fucking morons in a vain attempt to feel better about her own fading looks. Make up really was applied with a shot gun. Bright red lippy all over your face so you resembled Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane and glitter spray all over you so you looked like an extra in Starlight Express. This was especially annoying when the location had no shower facilities so you had to go home with most of the glitter still stuck on you, your baby wipe hooker wash not really doing the trick. How her producer/performer husband never complained about the state of us or even managed to get a hard on when he was performing with us looking like demented idiots was beyond me.

As I mentioned Carmen was also a pimp or a Madame. She had been introduced to the escorting world on her trips to Europe and had made many rich contacts who would like nothing better than to splurge large amounts of cash on porn stars or glamour models. She was a very popular buxom lady in the 80s and working as a prostitute supplemented her modelling and porn income and after the glamorous work dried up kept her in the lifestyle she was accustomed to.

She had managed to set up an escort agency of her own specialising in porn star and glamour model escorts. She was in charge of booking the girls for her husband’s productions, that way she could coaxed them into joining her escort agency and supplement the escorts she already had on her agency books with more porn and modelling work when they weren’t in demand by horny wealthy men.

The Not So Glamourous Side of Porn

Going to the GU clinic (Genito urinary) wasn’t like popping into your GP and emerging 5 mins later with a prescription. Not that I hoped I needed a prescription o this particular visit.


When I was first called I saw the Dr but this was just the beginning of a rather long process of being passed from pillar to post.
This initial one to one was just a consultation of sorts to see why I was there and what they could do for me today thank you.



I didn’t mention what I did for a living as I thought they might send me packing and suggest they had people with real needs to be attending to. I simply said I needed to have a full test for work. I’ve heard storeys of some catering jobs requiring HIV certificates before they will employ you. I’m sure this practice is fictitious but maybe I could use this as my cover. That or that I was emigrating to Russia. Id also read that when applying for a visa to move to Russia you needed a HIV certificate as part of the application process.


Any how they didn’t probe me – no pun intended.


To me getting the piece of paper saying I was HIV negative was the only thing I cared about. That was the killer and that was what I was concerned about. As long as no one had HIV I didn’t mind taking other risks too much. All the other diseases were treatable or at least wouldn’t kill you.
I would later learn about Hepatitis and get my A and B vaccinations.


It sounds crazy now to say I didn’t really care about catching things like Chlamydia and Gonorrhea. Of course I did but I was blinded by other more pressing concerns then like making sure I didn’t get HIV. At the time this attitude probably helped me rationalise things but in hindsight it may be stopped me thinking about the risks I really was taking entering this business. It was unsafe sex after all.


I was asked to sit back out in the waiting room where the nurse would call me and take me to do all my tests.


Another age later I was called again and a young and friendly nurse – not in a classic nurse uniform or any uniform of any kind come to think of it, whisked me off to a cubicle for my swabs and bloods.
She began by taking blood. Just before she was about to stab me up she asked if I knew what she was taking the blood for. I shrugged and guessed HIV as id had a screen before but they were all vaginal swabs. As I didn’t have a HIV test the last time nor did they collect a blood sample, I put two and two together and thought I had four.
She said that no, infact this was for syphilis and that as I hadn’t specifically asked for a HIV test they weren’t doing that. I must have had a look on my face as she asked if I did want one of these to which I said yes please panicking a little that I was wasting my time being here.
She said that was fine but that I would need to see a health advisor for counselling first before they did the test.


This meant me hanging around for even longer after they had poked my private parts with large cotton buds and plastic sticks.
Wasn’t counselling something that you went to over a course of time? I didn’t have 3 months to spend sitting on a couch talking about my childhood before I got this certificate. I had boy/girl shoots to do!


I needn’t have worried. The health advisor just asked me some questions to gage my knowledge of HIV and AIDS and what risks id been exposed to. Had I injected drugs, had I had sex with any gay men or people of African or Caribbean decent? He explained how the test worked and that it would take two weeks to come back to me.


But what about all my sex scenes? I’d have to hope I didn’t get any booked in for the next two weeks until I could come back for my results and certificate.
It was at this point that the health advisor questioned me about the certificate saying that the hospital didn’t give them out unless it was for insurance purposes and that I would need letters from my insurers if that was the case. SHIT!


Well I was here now, id had most of the tests done bar the HIV one and I wanted to know I was free of any nasties so I carried on regardless and tried to think of another blag to get this piece of paper out of them.


I waited some more in the waiting area before being called for my blood sample for the HIV test. Then I was free to go. I had been there for four hours at this point. I was going stir crazy from the boredom of waiting and the massive reality check I was getting about maybe being at deaths door with some hideous sexually transmitted disease or infection. I was quietly scared but knew the chances of me having anything were slim. Id hardly had any sex since my last screen. Still it didn’t stop me being paranoid.

Nasties

For some reason when I agreed to do full on boy/girl films it didn’t enter my mind about the risks involved. I knew they didn’t use condoms in films but I seemed to sub consciously know that things like this were “dealt” with. I guess I just used common sense to realise that they couldn’t just simply expect people to have completely unsafe sex or the whole industry would be shut down for insighting manslaughter or unsafe practices or something like that. Porn isn’t illegal even though it is a grey area within the law. If it really was that unsafe it wouldn’t be allowed to exist.

Well I found out soon enough how the business of porn chose to “deal” with sexual health and sexually transmitted diseases.

I was called by one of the agencies id joined to say id been booked for a shoot in the north. It was a boy/girl shoot. They knew I was new and assumed rightly that I wouldn’t have had a sexual health test or certificate to prove I was clean and free of diseases. The clinic they recommended I go to for these tests, which was used by alot of porn people, was private and cost £150.

I’d been to the GU clinic before when a boyfriend cheated on me and Id decided that I should get checked out. Now that time I didn’t need a certificate but it was an NHS service which meant it was completely free. £150! Where was I going to get that type of money from? I had a credit card but I didn’t really want to start getting into debt trying to be a professional slut.

The agency said if I initially paid for the test the company booking me for the shoot would pay me back. This seemed fair.

However upon calling the private clinic it turned out they couldn’t fit me in at such short notice. Kind of a blessing really as I later found out from a girl I became good friends with that said company only shot solo girl or girl/girl content for their DVDs. The boy/girl was simply the owner booking girls for his own gratification. Said owner’s character was also in questionable disrepute and if the rumours were to be believed he had just been released from prison for making a film with a 14 year old girl. It’s OK, her dad was there too. I grimace at the thought.

I will talk more later about underage girls and paedophiles but don’t fret or get too excited yet as it’s all rather reassuringly decent.

So id missed out on my once in a life time opportunity to shoot with a real nonce. Boo hoo. I decided to get this health test and certificate done anyway as I was assured more offers of boy/girl work would follow shortly and I didn’t want to lose more money by not being prepared or equipt.

I booked into my local GU clinic figuring id go the cheaper option. What could a fancy clinic possibly provide that a government funded one couldn’t, apart from a faster service maybe.

I was right the NHS clinic although very nicely decorated and not at all seedy and ashamed looking took hours to screen me. I waited in the girl’s part of the waiting room. Men and women were screened separately as the tests obviously differ with the differences in anatomy. Like I said earlier I was no stranger to GU clinics and it made me feel better about what I was about to have done seeing a room full of normal looking people waiting with me. The stigma that the clap clinic is full of dirty old men in rain macs and skanky hoes really is not accurate. There were young people and women with young children, couples, people in business suites and even some OAPs. Yes apparently old people have nothing better to do than have sex. Quite how they get STIs I don’t know but good for them. I hope I’m still as horny when I’m wearing incontinence pants and forgetting my own kid’s names.

After what seemed to be an age of waiting I was finally called. By a number mind. Names weren’t used at this clinic to keep confidentiality measures strict.
Waiting to be told you might have a life threatening disease like HIV wasn’t easy. Having said that, bringing the heavy stuff to my attention meant that the simple stuff like Gonorrhea and Chlamydia were easy to deal with.