Stick Wit Choo

So you see there is more to being a dumb blonde porn chic or ditzy glamour girl than simply throwing poses in well... not very much at all and it’s not all just laying on my back having the time of my life getting shagged senseless.

Somewhere in there, there is a business woman, a PR exec, a makeup artist, a personal trainer, a driver or chauffer, a secretary, an agent, a wardrobe assistant and on and on and on.

If I had to be honest id say for every day I spend on back of house stuff I do one hour of actual paid work.

Talking of paid work I managed to befriend one of the industries core players who became one of my main bookers for a period of time.

I was passed Peters number by an amateur photographer. At the end of the shoot the guy wrote down a number and said he knew Peter, who was a long standing professional photographer in the business, was always interested in new girls and that I should give him a call, so I did. Turns out Peter was passing my way later that day so asked if he could stop by for an informal chat to see what I looked like and discuss how he works. I didn’t know any better at the time and Peter sounded nice enough and pretty much promised me work over the phone so I agreed to meet in order to seal the deal. I didn’t have any issues with him popping by like this but over the years I became aware that nine times out of ten anyone asking to come and meet you pre shoot was a time waster or something equally as dodgy but most likely just looking for a free shag. Sometimes I get quite offended when I think about how stupid some people perceive women and models in particular to be.

So really Peter was lucky I was still new and naive as I wouldn’t have entertained that notion for too many months longer. We met and I made him tea. He was a bit on the touchy feely side but in more of a big brother hug than a creepy perv kind of manner which pushed any worries I had about my safety around him away. He talked like he’d known me for years. He told me about himself, how he only lived about 5 miles away from me and how he used to be a Page 3 photographer for one of the tabloids until he fell out with the papers owner. He went on to tell me how he didn’t just photograph girls but also arty black and white landscapes as well. Peter showed me some of these images in a calendar he’d had made up and they were impressive. He gave me a calendar to keep. He told me that he often took girls out for Chinese and that he only ever ate Chinese or McDonalds. I didn’t even have to ask if these dining experiences were romantic as his storeys were so matter of fact. He was just everyone’s mate.

He described what he had in mind for me. He had a film producer friend he worked with and they would come to my flat and do some pictures and a film. It would be a boy/girl shoot with a male model called Vince but this particular film was centred around the fact that Peter was going to join in in a gonzo fashion and take over from Vince half way through. For a fleeting second I wasn’t overly happy with this purely because Peter was the complete opposite of anything I found attractive. He wasn’t fat or spotty he just was the opposite of everything that ticked my box. I wanted the work though and knew if I said I didn’t want to work with him he’d say that he wouldn’t be able to use me for the shoot as that was the whole point of the film.

I put my professional head on and concentrated on the fact that not every guy I was going to work with was going to be a stunner. Come on, Oliver wasn’t particularly good looking and neither was Big Dave. It certainly wasn’t a case of beggars can’t be choosers but as you know I was taking my new career seriously so I pushed my concerns out of my head and agreed.

That mixed with the fact Peter told me about loads of other jobs he could book me for if I did well in this first one meant the cons of having to grin and bare something so non life threatening for a few hours was worth it with the pros out weighting this decreasing concern. He also said he’d take me to his studio and shoot my first professional portfolio images.

I decided Peter was a generous guy and one that might take me places so I made a mental note to stick to him like glue which seemed to suit him and his pally demeanour.

The Real Deal

My first official and professional boy/girl skin flick was certainly a momentous day to remember for me.

I had been cast in a two girl one guy scene. I found out on the day when I arrived at the location bright and far too early that the guy I was to be working with was a famous French porn star. The other girl was a young jail bait type. I kept hearing her name a lot so I assumed she was fairly popular and this made me aspire to work with her. I was quite excited about this scene really. I got to work with the legendary Cheryl Blows – well she was legendary in my naive head and I got to do my first proper sex scene with a man. I assumed Cheryl would be like Jody and take me under her wing. In fact id heard that Cheryl and Jody were quite pally and had work a lot together so I assumed Cheryl would be Jody mark two.

I was of course wrong. Cheryl had an attitude problem. Well that’s how I surmised it. In retrospect she didn’t, she just was a very private and aloof girl and didn’t involve herself with other people in the business. She was very young and so had a popular look and her personality or seeming lack of it made her appear even younger and almost shy.

Still I tried to make her like me and focused on the fact I still got to say I worked with her.

I was nervous it being my first full sex scene with an actual live penis. I kind of hoped Cheryl would take the lead as Jody had done before so that I could copy. I was glad it was a two girl threesome so at least I wasn’t completely out there on my own. Of course id had sex before plenty of times. It wasn’t like I didn’t know how to fuck but porn wasn’t really like real life. I mean for starters you didn’t have all the thrill and build up of managing to pull someone before you take them home and shag their socks off. It’s kind of like all the emotional stuff is taken away first and you’re thrown in the deep end. It’s kind of weird picking things up half way through a story and being expected to be as passionate as if you had worked really hard to snare this hunk of a guy and get him back to your place.

That’s the acting part and it’s also one of the parts that will screw you up in the head most in this business. At first you just get through it on nerves and anticipation alone but soon you get bored of it and start looking like a bad actress. That’s when the booze and drugs start being a requirement to get through it.

I was so nervous. That was to be expected I guess but I felt like a freak for being nervous. Everyone on the set had had sex before and most were used to watching other people doing it. I wasn’t used to any of this though but I tried hard not to let it show and prayed Cheryl read my mind telepathically and did guide me through.

Me and Cheryl got made up by the makeup artist who also happened to be the producer/directors pimp wife. She was a pretty plump lady who seemed deluded about her age. Mutton dressed as lamb sprung to mind. She had been a porn actress herself in her younger years, her massive breasts managing to make her very popular not just in the UK but also largely (pardon the pun) in Europe.

Carmen booked the girls for the shoots and acted as a makeup artist on the day. I came to the conclusion after a few shoots with this company that Carmen liked to be in charge of make up so she could make the girls look like fucking morons in a vain attempt to feel better about her own fading looks. Make up really was applied with a shot gun. Bright red lippy all over your face so you resembled Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane and glitter spray all over you so you looked like an extra in Starlight Express. This was especially annoying when the location had no shower facilities so you had to go home with most of the glitter still stuck on you, your baby wipe hooker wash not really doing the trick. How her producer/performer husband never complained about the state of us or even managed to get a hard on when he was performing with us looking like demented idiots was beyond me.

As I mentioned Carmen was also a pimp or a Madame. She had been introduced to the escorting world on her trips to Europe and had made many rich contacts who would like nothing better than to splurge large amounts of cash on porn stars or glamour models. She was a very popular buxom lady in the 80s and working as a prostitute supplemented her modelling and porn income and after the glamorous work dried up kept her in the lifestyle she was accustomed to.

She had managed to set up an escort agency of her own specialising in porn star and glamour model escorts. She was in charge of booking the girls for her husband’s productions, that way she could coaxed them into joining her escort agency and supplement the escorts she already had on her agency books with more porn and modelling work when they weren’t in demand by horny wealthy men.

Psychology lesson from a porn star

I often ponder why I ended up being in porn amongst other things. I over analyse situations involving myself and when my life is boring I try to work other people and their situations out. Sometimes that’s easier than working out myself. I think I figure if I can answer the questions of “why” in my life and have some sort of clarity I will suddenly become eternally happy.
I’m a narcissistic borderline personality with a tendency for hypochondria and am happy to spend time with councillors, reading self help books or partaking in self help groups.

I was just reading through some old notes from one group I attended and it suddenly struck me that people in porn are all similar in a handful of characteristics. I worked out a long time ago all porn performers, glamour models and even porn producers are simply seeking attention. Yes they are probably looking for it in the wrong place but plenty of other human beings do equally as silly things in order to meet the same need.

Sigmund Freud noted the act of reaction formation. This is where people in short do the opposite of what they feel. So if for example I believed I didn’t need to be loved by anyone I might go out of my way to try and make myself as loved by as many people as possible. Maybe by becoming a porn star.

Displacement is another noted defence mechanism in human beings. If say the same person as I discussed above who feels they don’t need to be loved decided to sub consciously make people love them by simply going out each weekend to the local night club or bar and picking up a different sexual partner each time they might fear being labelled a gigolo or its female counterpart, a slag. If they became a porn star that would mean it was their job to be that way and the immorality of the situation ceases.

Of course you do sometimes get people who simply can’t get enough sex. They are sexually frustrated in real life and so use sublimination and take on the role of someone who can get as much sex as they want or need.
Or on the other hand people who are emotionally retarded or too scared to get emotionally intimate with another person might choose to intellectualise the situation. This involves removing oneself from the stressful situation (in this case of getting intimate or emotionally attached) and using rationality (hey, I’m a porn star I don’t have to love this person to fuck them – it’s my job) to avoid a distressing situation.

That’s enough psycho babble for today.

Too pretty for porn

When most people think of porno they think of tall thin Barbie looking girls with big hair and big tits that come around the corner 5 minutes before she does. This is a very typical American look.

You also have the jail bait girls. The young girls who are flat chested with a butter wouldn’t melt look about them. They are infact over 18 but the words “barely legal” and “teen” are used alot. Or “college” but never the term school as that insinuates they are underage. A big no no.

School uniforms are infact the most popular uniform for men but we try to pretend it’s not. It’s a very taboo subject. We know that dressing a 21 year old girl in a school uniform doesn’t mean a guy is a paedo but plenty would and no one wants to be tarnished with that brush. We don’t like to give the authorities any unnessacery ley way to pounce on us for being responsible for all the worlds’ woes.

The UKs gonzo/amateur market introduced a new breed of porn star. The girl next door. She looks very unsuspecting but still pretty in her own way. These girls though they might look like they would never consider taking a cock up the jacksey are infact ravenous nymphs. Fowl mouthed and willing to try anything.
We have many girl next door types in the UK. I’m one of them.

I had a stark realisation about looks in this business at a party once. I and a fellow xxx performer were invited to a birthday party for one of the live interactive TV stations. You know the ones. The girls are on the phones urging you to call in or text them.

I had previously appeared regularly on the first ever UK station to offer this kind of adult entertainment but this form of medium was now booming and several other channels had set up. Upon arrival at this stations party I was shocked to see droves of Barbie girls. Big hair, makeup applied with a shot gun and huge fake tits ahoy. Where had they all been hiding all this time? Apart from the odd stereo typical porn looking girl most of the girls id encountered looked very “normal”.

This is no problem for me but they were cliquier than the characters in Mean Girls. One or two of the girls knew me as they had been on the same sets as me and one of them even appeared alongside me – much to her disgust. Had I actually attempted to say “Hi” I’m sure she would have claimed not to remember the scene since she was with her bitch girl friends.
As me and my fellow girl next door both headed down the stairs I heard some comment about girls not being able to afford boob jobs proffered from one of the Barbies mouths. I asked my girlfriend if she’d heard that? We were both then flat chested and later to be pumped up to match these girls’ assets.

I wanted to go back and give this ignorant, arrogant girl a piece of my mind. How dare she think I couldn’t afford a boob job? I suppose she didn’t consider that some girls don’t want them. At the time I had turned my hand to producing and not just staring in movies and with the money I had made from shagging myself senseless id built up a very successful movie line. More about that later but this bitch didn’t know me from Adam. She assumed I was poor but the reality was I could have been a potential employer of hers and stared her in one of my own productions. I preferred at the time to re invest my earnings on making more porn rather than pumping up my chest to get more work.

Its then that I had the realisation that these girls are too pretty for porn. Most of the Barbies in the room didn’t do hardcore porn. Instead they did teasy TV shows and glamour shoots. At the most they might take their frilly panties off and use an oh so small vibe on their untouched virgin pussies.

They wouldn’t dare offer to shag a guy for work as their good looks alone would surely get them all the work they desired. There was no need to lower themselves to do that. They were the glamour girls and most had exactly zero personality to go with it.
At the time I was livid and detested these girls for their attitudes. I’d never encountered snobbery in porn. It’s friggin porn for crying out loud. Id later learn that there is alot of snobbish behaviour in this business. How odd!

I got the last laugh though as over the years I watched these girls either dwindle into nothingness or turn to hardcore porn once all the “nice” work dried up for them.