Stick Wit Choo

So you see there is more to being a dumb blonde porn chic or ditzy glamour girl than simply throwing poses in well... not very much at all and it’s not all just laying on my back having the time of my life getting shagged senseless.

Somewhere in there, there is a business woman, a PR exec, a makeup artist, a personal trainer, a driver or chauffer, a secretary, an agent, a wardrobe assistant and on and on and on.

If I had to be honest id say for every day I spend on back of house stuff I do one hour of actual paid work.

Talking of paid work I managed to befriend one of the industries core players who became one of my main bookers for a period of time.

I was passed Peters number by an amateur photographer. At the end of the shoot the guy wrote down a number and said he knew Peter, who was a long standing professional photographer in the business, was always interested in new girls and that I should give him a call, so I did. Turns out Peter was passing my way later that day so asked if he could stop by for an informal chat to see what I looked like and discuss how he works. I didn’t know any better at the time and Peter sounded nice enough and pretty much promised me work over the phone so I agreed to meet in order to seal the deal. I didn’t have any issues with him popping by like this but over the years I became aware that nine times out of ten anyone asking to come and meet you pre shoot was a time waster or something equally as dodgy but most likely just looking for a free shag. Sometimes I get quite offended when I think about how stupid some people perceive women and models in particular to be.

So really Peter was lucky I was still new and naive as I wouldn’t have entertained that notion for too many months longer. We met and I made him tea. He was a bit on the touchy feely side but in more of a big brother hug than a creepy perv kind of manner which pushed any worries I had about my safety around him away. He talked like he’d known me for years. He told me about himself, how he only lived about 5 miles away from me and how he used to be a Page 3 photographer for one of the tabloids until he fell out with the papers owner. He went on to tell me how he didn’t just photograph girls but also arty black and white landscapes as well. Peter showed me some of these images in a calendar he’d had made up and they were impressive. He gave me a calendar to keep. He told me that he often took girls out for Chinese and that he only ever ate Chinese or McDonalds. I didn’t even have to ask if these dining experiences were romantic as his storeys were so matter of fact. He was just everyone’s mate.

He described what he had in mind for me. He had a film producer friend he worked with and they would come to my flat and do some pictures and a film. It would be a boy/girl shoot with a male model called Vince but this particular film was centred around the fact that Peter was going to join in in a gonzo fashion and take over from Vince half way through. For a fleeting second I wasn’t overly happy with this purely because Peter was the complete opposite of anything I found attractive. He wasn’t fat or spotty he just was the opposite of everything that ticked my box. I wanted the work though and knew if I said I didn’t want to work with him he’d say that he wouldn’t be able to use me for the shoot as that was the whole point of the film.

I put my professional head on and concentrated on the fact that not every guy I was going to work with was going to be a stunner. Come on, Oliver wasn’t particularly good looking and neither was Big Dave. It certainly wasn’t a case of beggars can’t be choosers but as you know I was taking my new career seriously so I pushed my concerns out of my head and agreed.

That mixed with the fact Peter told me about loads of other jobs he could book me for if I did well in this first one meant the cons of having to grin and bare something so non life threatening for a few hours was worth it with the pros out weighting this decreasing concern. He also said he’d take me to his studio and shoot my first professional portfolio images.

I decided Peter was a generous guy and one that might take me places so I made a mental note to stick to him like glue which seemed to suit him and his pally demeanour.

All Work and No Play

I’ve already discussed all the time we performers spend at the GU clinic too. Going for tests, picking up certificates. Team that with the fact your local clinic, as I well found out, might not be sufficient to provide you with the relevant paperwork so more travel is involved. The two main clinics for the business are both in London. I’ve know people who had to travel down from oop north just to get tested once a month then pick up results 7 days later.

Then comes the part that no one thinks about. The admin and back end. The time I spend checking my emails, scouring for work, networking, and marketing myself.

In those early days there were no such thing as Facespace and MyBook. Now managing my office time is an even more impossible, never ending job in itself. I often think I should employ a secretary. Many girls do have secretaries in the form of there pimpy, lecherous partners. These guys act as managers, sometimes calling themselves chaperones. They do all the organising and communication, often pretending to be Sally Ann on email and over the internet and you will find them feeding Sally Ann lines when she speaks on the phone to producers etc. Sally merely has to turn up to the job and do the business, for which her fella will have driven her there and will more often than not enjoy perving in the back ground at his girlfriend or wife getting fucked by other people. He will of course enjoy the money she has just made him.

But more about these sometimes unbelievable arrangements later.

This admin side of my job is time consuming but very necessary. Without it I simply don’t work. Yes I have several agents but I only remain at the forefront of their minds in my early days. Once I’ve been around the block and some fresh meat has waltzed into town I can pretty much wave goodbye to any help I see from my agents unless I’m specifically cast in a part which is rare. Or that I’m called in last minute to fill in for someone who’s no showed.

I’ve made quite a good business for myself just by being flexible enough to cover these flaky girls. I’m centrally located and can always be relied upon. Yeah it’s not so soothing on the ego knowing a large percentage of my work only happens by accident but it is a business and the aim of the game is to earn money.

I get emails from my ads on the modelling websites daily. In fact the volume they come in I found it quite a quick process to learn to sort the wheat from the chaff. I categorise emails into three sections.

Genuine interest. These people are known to me and often professional companies who write helpful, detailed and informative emails supplying links to work often through a website of their own.

Then there are the idiots who I have already discussed. They are fantasists and time wasters. They will write mails like “how much to fuck you?” Yes really that’s it. No please or thank you or even a hello. Or they will make up elaborate stories about running professional companies but not be able to back these claims up. The emails will be so detailed you fall asleep half way through. They describe things so obvious such as “then you will insert a well oiled dildo I have that is 12 inches long and 5 inches wide slowly into you soaking wet shaved pussy” rather than simply state “you’ll do insertion with larger toys”. Yawn – delete!

The last category is in between. They could be genuine but not so good at articulating. Maybe shy or just new to this and not know the lingo or how things work in the business. These people I will entertain until they prove to be examples of the second group. Its these people who eat your time. You waste precious minutes and even hours with email correspondence asking questions to establish how valid they really are, giving them the benefit of the doubt but also getting excited that potentially this is another job. Then it all goes south and you’ll have put off a real job in the vain hope this prat is serious.

Sometimes you don’t get so lucky and you go all the way only for the guy not to show up on the day. I said I worked out quickly how to identify most time wasters but I’m not an enigma machine.

I also have to learn to master the art of self promotion, setting up and maintaining all my adverts and profiles. Tweaking the text so that I sound as appealing as a pair of Jimmy Choos to Paris Hilton. I have to update my images regularly. It’s like having an online portfolio and only the best five or six images will do. You have to keep your images fresh as many people will look at your profile one day and not feel drawn to you but maybe three months later they see a different image and forget they ever saw that dodgy old snap of you or just feel that maybe you are worth booking after all.

I spend time mailing people who advertise for work on message boards. I scour the World Wide Web looking for more and more modelling profile sites to join in the desperate attempt not to be missed by any potential employers.

Then after all that I have to be my own PR agent. I have to create a successful fan base and market myself to them. This will ensure I remain popular enough to stay in demand with professional companies and studios. This as you might imagine means replying to fan mail, sending out signed pictures and DVDs. Uploading images and movie clips on the net and setting up my own official fan pay site where I can promote myself to the world letting them know all my latest movies and movements. Creating my own hype and making people love me.

Sixth Sense

Michael wasn’t the first or last chancer I encountered.
As I mentioned earlier, you learn to identify the sinister characters and time wasters fast. You learnt to evoke a sixth sense but unfortunately sometimes it’s not always spot on.

So, the time wasters and no shows would be the guys who write one line emails or would constantly call or email asking questions about the shoot. I was dumb enough to freely give my mobile phone number out then in a vain attempt to not miss out on any work opportunities.

Guys who simply write ‘How much?’ or ‘I want to book you for a shoot’ without even so much as a ‘Hello’ will never show up or usually get round to arranging anything concrete with you. If they can’t supply even the most basic of information or show an ounce of courtesy then even if they did show up would you want to work with someone like that? Seriously you can’t have high expectations of these kinds of people.

Then you get the ones who constantly email or call with questions in the time between arranging the booking and the actual event itself. Like ‘What will actually happen at the shoot?’ For fucks sake! You’re the flippin boss, you tell me what’s going to happen. I do what you ask me to as your employee. Within reason of course!

These guys are hoping you will write them some free erotic literature or do a free sex chat on the phone describing what will happen in pornographic detail.
‘Well first I will dress up in some sexy lace undies then I will rub my firm round breasts and tweak my hard nipples.....’ Go away and ask the ladies who are paid to do this.

You can usually pin point after afew emails if someone’s a time waster asking too many strange, obvious or long winded questions. They may want to simply have your attention.
Or they might start adding things to the list of content they originally booked you for. It might have started out as quite a simple tame shoot but before you know it your being analy gang banged by 12 strangers in a warehouse in Dagenham. This is usually just to see how far you will go. How much you can be pushed or how desperate you might be. Again it’s all a free wank for them though.

You also get the ones with the elaborate stories. The list of these elaborate claims is endless. ‘We’re a big American porn company’, ‘We want to put you in our mainstream movie’, ‘We’ll pay you £20,000 for a fashion shoot’, ‘We want you to be the next Britney – you don’t even need to be able to sing, we have computers for that’. That last ones no lie!

Now I actually like winding these people up if I get the time. I like bombarding them with security questions and seeing what silly answers they concoct in panic as they realise they have found another one with a brain. I’ll say ‘Where’s your website to prove who you are?’ or ‘Which other models have you worked with?’, ‘Why is your email a webmail and not a company one?’ It’s a good way of ensuring they take you off whatever list they use to scam girls.

I’ve even had people claiming to be established production studios or photographers. One guy emailed me claiming to be an ex Daily Sport photographer that unbeknownst to him I had become good friends with. I called said photographer and told him, both of us laughing at the twit’s bad choice of victim. I politely wrote back and told him that I was good friends with the guy he was impersonating and he sharply disappeared without trace.

Luckily most guys have no intentions of coming out from behind their PC monitors so it’s all relatively harmless but there are bad people out there.

There are of course all the bizarre non work related emails too.
‘Can I date/marry you?’ – This is a model site not a dating site sweetie. I’m looking for work, not a boyfriend.
‘Do your parents know what you do?’ or ‘Does your boyfriend know you’re a slut?’ Who do you damn well think you are trying to intimidate me?
‘Can I be your slave?’ I’m an adult model not a mistress. OK I might have to act like a real mistress from time to time but that’s it and this isn’t an S&M site.

I’ve had hate mail too. One charming guy claimed I had bi polar disorder and that it was down to him to bring this fact to my attention. I’ve had two obsessive fans both deluded that they were having some sort of relationship with me. One still try’s to add me as a friend on a social network as if everything’s hunky dory and were long lost pals. I’ve even almost had a stalker until I nipped it in the bud before things started getting out of hand but that’s another tale.

The Lies They Tell Us

The first email from that model site that materialised into a shoot was with a guy called Michael. He said he owned a movie company called Blue something or other. I didn’t pay too much attention but id not heard of them. He said he shot in Spain alot but wanted to do a shoot with me in a hotel at Heathrow airport.

I can hear you laughing already – those of you with an ounce of savvy.

I was eager to please and make a good impression for my début into porn. I wanted to push myself to make sure id made the right decision sacking real life for this amazingly different career. I didn’t want to leave my failure to fate so I gave all my focus and determination to my new job.

Michael met me outside arrivals in his swanky blue convertible Merc. He was dressed like a total tosser in a tight white T, jeans plus bear feet in brown loafers. Eugh! He was good looking but you could see he was the other side of young now and trying desperately to still be that cool 80s yuppie he was 15 years ago.

Anyway we drove to a nearby hotel with him spouting bullshit about him and his so called adult movie business. It would have been believable if a) he hadn’t made it sound so Hollywood and b) he hadn’t just turned up on his lonesome.
Once we got inside the hotel room he said he didn’t need cameras for this but if I was good he’d book me to go to Spain for a week’s shoot. How dumb was I?

I knew something wasn’t right but I also knew nothing about this business so rather than go with my gut I went with the logical reasoning that this must be how things were done in porno.

He fucked me for an hour without even so much as a disposable camera in sight and convinced me to do anal with him after id told him I had never properly done it with a guy before and would really rather save it for the camera. I couldn’t tell at the time but he probably found it hard to stop himself exploding there and then. Isn’t that every guys dream to sodomise a young girl who’s an anal virgin?
He did show some compassion though and suggested we try the anal in the shower so he could lather up my tight virgin ass hole with lots of soap and slip his well endowed cock in a little easier. Being new to all this I also didn’t realise that all that soap would give me Bacterial Vaginosis or Thrush. A few weeks later I sat at the dining room table fully clothed wondering what that fishy smell was. I certainly wasn’t eating fish!

Strangely I managed the anal without too much discomfort and felt a sense of pride that I had managed to do it and please and hopefully impress this guy. My anger about him not being concerned about what I did or didn’t want to do had vanished.

At the end after id showered up and was getting dressed we were chatting and he asked for my HIV certificate to see. I produced this. It was normal to show your producer and co performers this paperwork although it made more sense to do it pre shoot. Sometimes it was a ritual that was done simply to say it had been done. The reason for doing it not important to some people so they just went through the motions even if this meant remembering or being prompted into doing it at the end when it was too late. You might have AIDS by then but this is how things were then.

I expected Michael to produce his certificate too but he didn’t. He said he had one but since I was the young, naive newbie I didn’t press him to physically show me. I didn’t want to ruin all the good work id done. He might decide not to book me for Spain although I knew there was no Spain. This guy was making things up just to shag a porn star. Not that I was a star in those early days. I was a wanna be. Later id become a real porn star myself and Id discover how to make money out of people who want to screw porn stars properly.

I think Michael enjoyed the bull shitting as much as he enjoyed the sex. He wanted to be living the fantasy he was spewing out to me but really he was as much a wanna be as me. The bullshit just helped to get him to the resulting fuck with me but some guys would get as much enjoyment out of this pretending to not even go through with meeting me. They were no shows or time wasters. I quickly learnt to work these time wasters out.

When things aint what they seem

So now I’ve explained about two of the genres of pornography. Mainstream/generic porn and amateur/reality porn.

There are of course a whole host of other sub categories of porn film. All seem to stick to their own families rarely merging or seeking help from another.


There is the gay and transsexual market. Now although transsexual films can feature gay guys and of course trans gender people they also feature a lot of straight or bi girls. These girls are often but not all the time girls from the mainstream industry.

The gay market is big enough and bad enough to be self sufficient. Indeed in my experience the gay market was so unheard of or talked about in the UK scene I didn’t actually think any gay films were made in the UK until 2004 when I met my first gay adult movie producer at a sexual health conference.


These particular two families seem to look down their noses at each other. Mainly due to the stigma that AIDS is so high risk amongst gay men. The straight market thinks the gay one is dirty and disease ridden but the gay market – especially these days is more open to safe sex in its movies and so thinks of the straight market as the one who is dirty and unconcerned with disease.


Girls found to have worked in gay or transsexual movies are often shunned. I have heard many a porno chick say it’s a fantasy of hers. Porn people often develop some unusual fantasies and fetishes since normal sex becomes mundane when u do it day in and day out. Always looking for some other kink to rock your boat and make you feel like you did the first time you did it in front of a camera. Which is a sexual fantasy in itself isn’t it?


I was talking to a producer friend of mine one day who happened to mention that a model agent that he regularly used for his own films had a transsexual performer on its books. As I also happened to be on this agents books I called them up and asked them to tell this trans gender performer that I’d like to work with her. Turns out she makes her own movies here in the UK and in the USA. Eventually I got a call from Miss Thing and we did our first film together after initially meeting to make sure we both understood each other.


I was hesitant to meet as this is a rare occurrence in pro porn. Producers don’t have time to meet talent and chat over scripts and plot lines. Castings were rare but did on occasion happen. Most performers are simply cast on the fact that they look ok and haven’t been shot by that particular producer before. Or maybe just that they are free that particular day!


If someone asks to meet you pre shoot it’s usually a sign of someone up to no good. A wanna be producer or some porn fanatic trying to con you that they are a producer just to get to spend abit of time chatting and drinking coffee with you. You might ask why they bother going through this rigmarole when they can actually book a porn star through an escort agency and fuck her brains out if they really want but these types of guys actually get off on the facade. They are living out some sort of elaborate fantasy in which they want to play a part of more than just a fan or horny john.


These guys really are a nuisance as some girls are all too keen to work and will go along on the off chance Mr Time Waster is genuine. He just wants to know he can get her to do what he wants. It’s a power trip. Some just use it as an excuse to get to know you abit better. Which is quite stalker-ish really. Some think that all the girls sleep with the producers to get work and therefore if they pretend to be one they will get a free shag.


Anyway I think Miss Thing had just cause to ask to meet me. After all its not every day you get to play with a transsexual and girls are notorious for saying yes to things they don’t really understand and then at the last minute confessing they aren’t comfortable with it.


So I made my first transsexual porn debut.