Porn Virgin pt2

Who am I to judge Paul and his motives?

I was angry that Paul went behind my back and allowed me to be responsible for taking his virginity in front of a camera. I felt like I’d just raped someone without knowing id done it. Like a guy that finds out the girl he took home from the club is only 15.
Even though he showed levels of bravery, determination and had a very refreshing lack of bravado about the whole deal, in a business filled with egos this is a rare and valuable quality, I can’t stop being a little bit angry.

I’ve converted the whole episode into a humorous story now. It feels like how I imagined guys brag about sex with their mates down the pub. “Cor yeah I took his virginity alright. I took it on a flippin porn shoot. Who’s the daddy now then?”.
However the thing missing, the thing that made me so angry and still somewhat so today even through the laughter is the absence of any honesty. My right to chose was taken from me and one of the most important terms of working in this business is to be given a choice.

Aside the anger, I was also looking down my nose at Paul with his naivety and lack of experience but I was forgetting something.
I wasn’t a virgin when I did my first porn film but I had never had sex with another girl and id never had toys placed up my rectum before either.
Yes the producer knew this when he booked me for my maiden scene which is probably the only difference between me and Paul but I was very inexperienced when I started out too.

A lot of my firsts were done in porno land.
The first time I got pissed on – I mean properly on my face and in my mouth. Pissing on someone’s ankle does not count.
The first time I did a double penetration – I’m not even sure I remember this monumentus moment. I can only assume it was my first as it’s my earliest memory of such an act.
The first time I had a three-some. The list goes on.
So maybe I’m not so different to Paul. I suppose as an individual I put a higher price on that special moment of actually going all the way for the first time but strangely not on anything else. Most likely my inner child talking from beyond the silicone.

I had my cherry popped on numerous occasions throughout my career and there are still things I’ve never done but anticipate will eventually get an opportunity to try out on camera one day.
Considering my last post (To do or not to do – 18th Feb. 2008) there are plenty of things I would love to try out but wouldn’t have the guts to in my real or private life. The safety of the camera means I can get daring and feel safe about it.

Maybe it’s not just me that feels like this. Maybe real life sex is supposed to be more limited (I hate to use that word) and that’s why porn has always been so attractive to viewers. Maybe there is a real freedom that comes with pornography.

To do or not to do? – That is the question

I’m often asked is there anything I won’t do on film.
I used to reply, like many girls, with the cursory response “nothing illegal”. This basically covers no rape, no shit, no underage sex and no animals.

This is a safe but accurate answer. Chances of you being asked to do anything illegal on camera are slim since these films wouldn’t get past the British Board of Film Classification. This is the authority that makes Hellraiser an 18 and Mary Poppins a U and most of your porn an R18.

Everything else was pretty much ok to me.
I have my personal dislikes too such as anything in public, like flashing. This is actually illegal too but can be gotten around by claiming it was shot in another country or on private land. I’m very concerned about offending innocent bystanders for reasons unknown to me. The fear of being caught certainly does not turn me on. If I know im safely in the middle of nowhere then I’m not so bothered about stripping off and I will happily bath totally nude in a secluded villa.

I also draw the line at corporal punishment. Put simply – spanking. This is common in fetish films. Severity in this genre is deemed unfit for viewing in the UK. I’m told we as a nation have a reputation when it comes to spanking. Apparently despite our censorship of such acts other countries seem to think it’s all we do all day long. Maybe this comes from our old fashioned public schooling image of yester-year.
I’m not sure why I don’t enjoy being spanked when other forms of brutality very much turn me on. I enjoy a good bit of rough in private but whoa betide anyone that pulls any of that American style bitch slapping shit on me whilst on set. Slap I and you will probably receive the same treatment in return but in the sanctuary of my own bedroom I will happily play submissive slut to some ferocious face slapping.

These days though I’ve started to wonder if it’s maybe the acts that are off limits that are the really good stuff. The more you experiment the more you open your mind.
There are certain things I can’t do on camera for fear of being ridiculed and judged by my peers. I am after all a business and I can’t go committing career suicide now can I?
These things remain either inside my head or part of my private life.

However the list of things I wont do in private but will do on camera is far more interesting than simply asking what I won’t do on film.

I’ve mentioned before that I only masturbate for film. It doesn’t do anything for me personally but I do get turned on whilst masturbating on film. I think it’s just the knowing that im having an effect on someone. Someone somewhere is getting turned on by me doing this. The actual act doesn’t interest me.


As much as I enjoy an all female experience, I’m only gay for pay. I’m not saying im not into it when I have my head between some girl’s thighs. I enjoy sex whether it’s with a man or woman but women don’t interest me enough to make me want to make the effort off set.

Pissing is another one. I love getting messy and urinating all over the place like an untrained puppy but in my own life I cant think of anything worse than being asked to pee all over my beloveds face. Why would I want to do that to someone I love. My playmates in porn are no problem. That feels just like two naughty children playing mud pies in the garden.

I don’t swallow cum or take facials either. There is one very good reason for this and that is that my boyfriends spunk is the foulest smelling Ive ever encountered so I make sure it never gets anywhere above my neck. Or if it does this has to be reserved for days when I have a stinking cold only, or in the shower so the vileness can immediately be washed away with one swift rotation of the head.
Trust me, you won’t get very far in porn if you don’t at the least accept a face full of man juice. Getting a face load for the camera is a massive turn on for me. It feels like my reward after a (blow) job well done.

I’m sure there are other things that will come to me in time but its odd the things you will do when someone shoves a camera in front of you and I’m not talking about girls who do anal or other acts only for the money. They don’t enjoy it. They endure it. This isn’t news though, girls do lots of things for money.

Classified

It’s a strange habit of mine but I always measure a models success by how often she appears in the small ads and classifieds on the back pages of a men’s magazine. You know the tiny little chat line adverts in boxes an inch or so high.
You might have never even paid attention to the girls in these pictures. You may have actually thought that the two girls in “Listen in on college filth” were real college girls.

I remember years before I even contemplated getting my kit off for a living a friend of mine had a job fly posting all the chat line and hooker cards in London phone boxes. We used to laugh at that job. One day he bought a card back with a picture of Jo Guest on it and some text along the lines of ‘Hear me talk dirty – live 121 sex chat’. You would expect someone doing that for a living would be a little more clued up than to ask me “Do you think it’s really Jo Guest you get on the phone?”

No honey. That’s just a stock photo of a model.

You might think that being on the actual pages of the magazine would be the important part. The actual wank fodder part of the magazine. The part that paid her several hundred quid to undress.

Not me. I believe you have only really arrived once you have a premium rate telephone no. next to your picture.
The strange thing is that despite all my marked success in the business over the years I’ve never been in a classified ad.
Every magazine I race to the back pages first and scour the explosion of scantily clad busty blondes mixed in with a few grannies for a little diversity. I recognise so many faces including those of girls that really have hit the big time winning contracts alongside the world’s most popular porn star Jenna Jameson.

Still no me.

That really would be the icing on my cake. What a strange thing to aspire to.

my face & face space

Speaking of virginity, how marvellous is social networking?
The guy I lost mine to has just tracked me down via Face Book.
After all the guys I’ve had how strange to now be chatting with guy no.1

Porn Virgin

I can honestly say I don’t remember the details of losing my virginity.

I remember where and with whom and the basics of how the event unfolded but I can’t recall exactly how old I was or the date or the finer points of this typically memorable experience for most young girls.

I remember the details of my first porn shag much more clearly in fact.

The thing that I clearly remember is being told how id taken some guys virginity on set months after the scene had taken place.

It does happen. People lose their virginity in porn films. I don’t mean like the thousands of films that claim the star is an 18 year old college virgin. Please don’t tell me you fell for that line. I’m talking about genuine real life virgins. In porn this is rare and usually done in the guise of female domination with a male virgin.

Id arranged a 2 day shoot at a studio in south London to roll out some quality boy/girl picture sets for my website. I was going to shoot 6 guys. 2 sets for each guy. So that’s 12 fucks for me. For whatever reason I didn’t or couldn’t pay for my male talent so Id arranged my co performers based on a collection of emails id received from guys wanting to get a break into the business. Now this opens a whole new can of worms to which I will keep a lid on just for now.

I carefully picked the 6 guys based on a mix of who was good looking, who had a big todger , who had done shoots before therefore having a base knowledge of what to expect – not getting confused with them actually being any good at these previous shoots but they had the experience at least. Lastly I picked them on fitting certain niches or styles such as black guy/white girl or older guy/younger girl so that we could achieve some variety.

Bottom line - all of these guys would work for free and were at least semi believable as professional porn studs. I in return would get my pictures and give them a helping hand into the industry.

Paul was very shy and didn’t say much but I gathered this was his first shoot. He lived with his mum still, bless! He was young and seemed eager and that was good enough for me right then.
We had just finished the first set when the next model turned up early. A flash of inspiration resulted in my idea to do a threesome scene with myself and both the guys. The new arrival was the best looking of the bunch and the one who went on to become one of the main UK male performers for awhile.

Two of the guys got regular work in the business although they were often only used as last resorts or cheap alternatives. They were not by a long shot to the standards of the pros.

Poor Paul had fumbled his way through the first set and without really thinking about him Id now thrown him into a daunting scenario alongside an Italian Adonis type to his cute little boy next door look. All I cared about was that this created a fantastic situation for me to have two cocks. The camera never focuses on the guys aside their manhood so it didn’t matter that they looked so oddly mis-matched.

It’s easy to feel like a spare part in a threesome and it takes assertion to make it work. I knew it was Pauls first shoot so I directed him and worked hard to get him included in the action or he would have ended up looking like a nosey neighbour who had popped by to see what was going on and standing on the outskirts just watching. The Italian stallion had done this before once or twice as well as being very sexually confident to boot. Paul now seemed to go to bits next to him.

In the preceding months I received several emails from Paul asking if I had any more work for him. I don’t think I answered him and if I did it would only be to politely say no. He did the worst of all the guys that day. I put it all down to nerves as it often is with new guys trying out but I honestly didn’t think porn was for him even if he hadn’t been so anxious.
I did manage to get him one stint in a gang bang film. The producer couldn’t use professional studs for this as it needed to look amateur. I think this request must have coincided with one of Pauls emails so I hooked him up with the producer. I had after all promised him a leg up in the business. If anyone asked Id tell the truth and say that he didn’t really have what it took but id kept my side of the bargain to him.
A few days after the gang bang shoot I had a call from the producer to say thanks for the guy’s id recommended. Paul had attended the gang bang and from what I can make out didn’t prove himself any better there. Much like before, with the threesome shoot we did, he stood on the outskirts and fumbled along quietly.

Then to my amazement the producer commented “[he’s] not bad for someone who’s only ever had sex once”.
WTF?
“Yeah. Didn’t you know he was a virgin until you did that shoot with him?”
OMG!
I took this guys virginity!

On a porn set!

And I didn’t even know it!

I was actually a little angry Paul hadn’t said anything to me. It’s a big deal taking someone’s virginity and had I known I would never have agreed to it. It would have explained his shyness. Well it wasn’t actually shyness now was it? It was not knowing the fuck what he was doing... AT ALL.

What on earth was going through this guy’s head? Why on earth would anyone want to lose their virginity on a porn set?
Was he desperate? Was it some sort of fantasy?

He was definitely the shy, quiet type and I could easily imagine him having difficulty in chatting to girls so maybe it was out of desperation. But to do it for the first time on a porn set. That’s like suicide. It could really screw your head up. Porn sex isn’t like real sex. Porn is like dancing a carefully choreographed ballet instead of free styling on the night club dance floor. Its fake is what it is. It would be like getting married only to gain a green card. If you’re going to do something as life defining as losing your virginity, do not cheapen it by doing it on a porn set. Do it for the right reasons. Then every other time after that you can do it on porn set. The first time should be real and special.

On the other hand even if he was desperate, it took balls to go through with it and even to think about it in the first place. I was still angry that id been made to be part of this. Maybe that’s why he never said. Maybe he knew he was wrong to be doing it that way.

Crazy guy.

A bad man made me do it

Here’s another thing I never thought of before getting into porn. It seems exceptionally naive now looking back. It’s claimed all over the media how terribly women in porn are treated. How objectified they are and how most of them are only there against their will. Trafficked or underage. Abused and feeding drug habits. So there is every reason that a young girl on her own would be petrified about going into this business. Making statements like “well if I don’t feel comfortable doing it they won’t force me” (see my post 29th Jan) just wouldn’t seem reasonable if the view of the media were to be believed.

However that’s just how I saw it. I seemed to know that no one was going o make me do anything I didn’t want to. For Christ’s sake we live in 21st century England. One of the greatest nations in the world. Do the media honestly think the public stupidly believe the powers that be would allow this here in Great Britain? It doesn’t make good viewing anyway. The punter would much rather see a girl who is genuinely enjoying herself. Plastic, no personality girls belong in photos and girls who love sex belong on film. Girls who are being made to do porn? Maybe they do exist – in other countries but not here. Not in the way the media like to portray it.

Admittedly, Id have a pretty pissed producer on my hands if I turned round half way through a scene and said “I’m not enjoying this DP can we leave it out. It’s just not turning me on today” but no producer I have ever encountered would insist I continue working if I said “I’m sorry I’m not really enjoying this guys dick ripping my arsehole in two”.

And most importantly, No. No one has ever forced me to do anything in this business.

Maybe you would expect sexism but not racism

Whilst we are on the subject of agents asking what you are and are not willing to do I had a rather surreal experience with an agent in Los Angeles during a stint out to porn valley. I was now accustomed to filing in forms with little boxes to tick and was up to speed on all the abbreviations and porn lingo.
The agent read through the list for me ticking as I absent mindeley agreed to everything he said until he spoke of an option had never been suggested to me in England. He also took the level of his voice down to that of a whisper as he said it which I though an odd thing to do in a busy office filled with chatting porn stars and desperate producers.
“Interracial” he said. I stopped day dreaming and sat up straight thinking, what’s interracial?
I know what interracial means. It means relationships of mixed race where one person is for example white and the other black.
I thought... solo, girl/girl, boy/girl, group, anal, double penetration, water sports and now interracial. How on earth was interracial a sex style?
Then it dawned on me that no one back home was bothered about what colour their performers were as long as they had dicks and pussys they were in.
Oh my gosh. I was experiencing my first racial moment. Apparently the whispering was necessary because where some folk were from in that big old country interracial was a terrible thing and we didn’t want to go upsetting anyone in the office by uttering such harsh words did we?
For a moment I though id walked off of that air plane in 1950 or 1960 maybe, not modern day America.
I replied with a loud “yes” and tried to remind myself that it takes allsorts to make the world go around.