Classified

It’s a strange habit of mine but I always measure a models success by how often she appears in the small ads and classifieds on the back pages of a men’s magazine. You know the tiny little chat line adverts in boxes an inch or so high.
You might have never even paid attention to the girls in these pictures. You may have actually thought that the two girls in “Listen in on college filth” were real college girls.

I remember years before I even contemplated getting my kit off for a living a friend of mine had a job fly posting all the chat line and hooker cards in London phone boxes. We used to laugh at that job. One day he bought a card back with a picture of Jo Guest on it and some text along the lines of ‘Hear me talk dirty – live 121 sex chat’. You would expect someone doing that for a living would be a little more clued up than to ask me “Do you think it’s really Jo Guest you get on the phone?”

No honey. That’s just a stock photo of a model.

You might think that being on the actual pages of the magazine would be the important part. The actual wank fodder part of the magazine. The part that paid her several hundred quid to undress.

Not me. I believe you have only really arrived once you have a premium rate telephone no. next to your picture.
The strange thing is that despite all my marked success in the business over the years I’ve never been in a classified ad.
Every magazine I race to the back pages first and scour the explosion of scantily clad busty blondes mixed in with a few grannies for a little diversity. I recognise so many faces including those of girls that really have hit the big time winning contracts alongside the world’s most popular porn star Jenna Jameson.

Still no me.

That really would be the icing on my cake. What a strange thing to aspire to.