Men!

Why is it men moan about wearing condoms but then in the next breath will make do with wanking over a fully clothed girl demonstrating zero sexual acts on webcam cos they are too tight to part with a £1 to get her to take her clothes off and do a proper masturbation show for them.

One minute you can’t use your imagination to get over the fact the sensation in your cocks is slightly duller than would be from bareback sex but then when there is money involved you suddenly manage to demonstrate extraordinary talents for imagining a young lady naked with her legs spread to get you off.

For the Record

For the record I think it’s important to note I was not abused as a child nor raped as a young woman.
I didn’t have a drink or drug habit to feed upon entering the business.
What I can tell you is that being in porn movies and having sex for a living is a very empowering experience.

I can also tell you that the one thing all porn stars have in common, and this probably goes for the people producing porn as well, is that we all lavish attention in abundance.

Growing Some Thick Skin

Having had a near run in with a girl carrying scabies was not the end of my troubles in Amsterdam.

It was the turning point at which I realised things weren’t as rosy as I thought out there.

Id woken up to the idea that Jody wasn’t mine as I had once concocted in the depths of my naive brain. The reality was that Jody was a very free spirit and although she was happy to help me out she was in no way happy to hold my hand for very long. This also made me wake up to the fact that this business could be a very lonely one. Not really one of camaraderie. More one of floating soles finding their own way. It wasn’t the bitchy one id been warned of though.
Jody was very kind to me and through my disappointment she dealt with my clinginess gently. All the other girls in the webcam house were friendly enough. We argued but you would if you worked stupid hours and were permanently tired and had to share a room with 5 other girls. Each girl would enjoy a sisterly joke or moan or gossip with me but I knew at the same time if it came down to friendship or earnings the later would always win.

No one would argue if you suggested these girls weren’t the smartest pencil in the box. OK they aren’t rocket scientists or brain surgeons or academically intelligent but they were shrewd business women. Focused, committed and driven.

They would conduct their business mercilessly but make it an enjoyable experience in the process by making friends or having a giggle, getting plastered on cheap wine or whatever.

To some girls an enjoyable experience meant getting in and out of a shoot as quickly as possible so she could run off and get on with real life. Boyfriends, girl friends, other jobs or even kids. This porn thing was to take up as little of their time and life as possible and prove a mear distraction rather than a job.

I was impressed and taken aback at the same time. I suddenly grew alot of respect for porn girls and realised there is a certain survival instinct that they possess. I was going to have to toughen up here. I was without doubt a very driven and independent woman but could I compare to these girls. They were so “street” to what I felt was a sheltered and fortunate me.

Well I hadn’t just walked away from the best job Id ever had, the job that other girls went to university to get, to give up on this so quickly. Besides I enjoyed the work and if I could just get my head around the subconscious walls I was going to have to build up around myself id be fine.

In later years I experienced some of the closest female relationships I’ve ever had with girls in this industry, and in a rare period I built up friendships with a group of girls where our relationships superseded our commitment to our jobs and profits. But as I say that was rare and still is unheard of for such a group to bond in such a way.

The Strange Girl

Id sussed out from watching Georgia what it was all about. Teasing, typing very fast and being very shrewd. If you wanted to earn money doing this you had to be all of the above. Apparently just getting my bits out wasn’t going to cut it here so I had seriously misjudged that. That’s ok though. I’m not stupid. I’m bright. I can do all that I thought. And if these girls can do it then I definitly can.

Rather big headedly I thought the rest of the girls were a little stupid. I’m not usually so stereotypically judgemental of people but they hadn’t just given up sought after jobs that usually go to university graduates yet id never even been to college!

So myself and Jody headed off to the bathroom to get showered and ready for our shifts in the cam house.The girl who had flown over and arrived with me was already there too. Doing what we did for a living no one minded sharing the bathroom. Not an eyelid was batted.

It was a big bathroom – presumably they had intended it to be used for big orgy’s at some point. I chatted to Jody as I showered and noticed her giving me a funny look as she nodded discreetly towards the other girl. I looked over and she was shaving her legs but blood was pouring down them. Jody asked if she was ok and she said yes, she was just abit shaky with a razor. She had a very strange demeanour which on reflection I now realise was probably autism or some other mental condition. She was defiantly odd and awkward looking.

One morning she had gotten up to get ready for her shift and in the dim light of the room spent ten noisy minutes trying to unlock her locker. She simply couldn’t see the hole for her key to slot into and the rest of us all too tiered and irritable from long night shifts and lack of sleep just ignored her or shouted at her to be quiet.

We later worked out that this girl who wore glasses from time to time was actually blind as a bat. We put all the evidence together that all these odd things were happening when she didn’t have her glasses on. Apparently she was trying to avoid wearing them to make her look more sexy. This also explained why her makeup looked as if it had been applied in the dark. To her it had been! Jody and Georgia sat her down one day and did her make up nicely and showed her how to make her thick rimmed glasses look sexy. We all told her she had to wear them or she was going to do herself a real mischief.

So the days went by and this strange girl seemed to become a little less strange but still as awkward. She never got involved in any girly chat or wanted to join us when we were off duty and just doing our own thing. Going into town to shop or gassing quietly in the lounge so the microphones wouldn’t pick up on the conversations we wanted to remain private from the guys paying to watch the voyeur feeds. It was all too easy to ask “so where are you from?” to another girl and to be given a dirty look in reply because you’d forgotten about the damn microphones all over the house. We worked out that the only safe room was the bedroom that was being decorated so we tended to congregate there until the management worked out what we were doing and would come down from their office and move us on like naughty school girls loitering in the school halls.

Infact the only time I ever really saw this girl was in the bedroom.

On one of my last days I was standing just outside the front door chatting to someone when I saw two guys that worked as staff in the house carrying a double mattress out the door and lob it into a nearby skip. That’s strange I though. Looks like my mattress!

Then Diva, the lady who owned this whole get up called me into the office and asked me to sit down. She said that this odd girl was being flown back to England. We'd all noticed she would itch herself alot and put it down to eczema. Apparently Diva had noticed it more and asked her to see the Dr who had diagnosed scabies.

Shit! I shared a bed with this girl.

That was our mattress they had thrown out.

They actually planned to burn the thing. Diva asked me if I’d had any itching and I said no. She said if I had any, any at all I was to tell her and see the Dr too. I never did get any itching but that was the icing on the cake that told me it was time to go home.

Lucky?

Im fuckin lucky I only caught gonorrhea 3 times and chlamydia 6 times!

It Costs 20K To Be Me

You know being a porn star isn’t easy.

Yeah its fun having sex all day long – cos that’s exactly what we do! Oh sorry that’s escorts and prostitutes. We spend half the day hanging around on set or at the GU clinic.

I remember when I first started thinking seriously about quitting my normal job to become a full time slut. I did some math and predicted if I could do one gig a week that would give me the same money as my rat race job so the rest of the week was mine. I could study or be a lady of leisure or I could make even more money and do two jobs a week! Considering a shoot could be done and dusted in a matter of hours depending on the required result and how together the people in production were, that meant alot of free time. It also meant that if I worked my normal working week at the rate I was now being paid Id be making a six figure sum a year. Time is a blessing and these days it’s the only thing I ever ever ask for in life but back then I saw the opportunity to make some serious money so I pushed myself hard to get bookings and work. Why sit around learning stuff when I could probably pay someone to do it all for me in years to come. At the time I didn’t have any hobbies or real interests so why not put all my time into this. It’s not like it was physically that hard and it certainly wasn’t tedious. Well not then it wasn’t. Those moments came years down the road.

What to do? Sit around getting fat and watching Trisha on daytime TV or work my butt of and ensure a better future for myself? It was a no brainer. I’ve always been driven and lazy is not a term that anyone would ever use to describe me.
So I started earning all this money and really believed I was on my way to making millions. You’d be surprised how much it costs to be me though.

Trades people need tools and my tools were pretty much what every living breathing girl usually buys par for the course.
Make up, hair, sun beds, gym membership, clothes - yes I need clothes (before I strip them off that is).
Yes I also needed sex toys, stupidly high heels and monthly STD checkups sometimes at £200 a pop.
I also had to pay for marketing myself since I was on my money making mission. Work wasn’t just going to fall in my lap. I’m a creative person so I enjoy the marketing element of my job but it surprises people that models and porn girls do it at all. They obviously think we lay on our backs all day and that work does actually just fall in our laps but the reality is now I have to turn down jobs because they are an interruption to me updating my website or MySpace or online modelling profiles. Promotion probably counts for half of my time and actually making the money for the other half.

It costs me over 20K a year to be me. When I say me, I mean to be able to do my job. It’s kinda cool I get things like make up and shoes tax deductable but being a porn star doesn’t come cheaply so it’s a good job I planned to work hard at this.

Here’s a snippet of what it costs to be me each year. This is not an exhaustible list.
Telephone - £2073.
Clothing - £2933.
Hair- £1200.
Gym membership - £900.
Advertising - £853.

Frosty Reception

Jody was there but either the situation we were now in meant she became a different person or she’d decided I was big enough to look after myself now. Her hands were washed of me and my neediness.
Upon arriving at the large house in Holland I firstly found myself filing in a load of paperwork in a chicly styled large white office. This was the brain of the site and its operations. They needed to create a page for me to profile myself on and attract customers. I was told that guys could spend money on presents for me that they could buy through the site. Bottles of perfume, cuddly teddy bears that sort of thing. This was a treat for me and earnt the company extra dollars. Therefore they made sure that every girl entering the house had a birthday whilst she stayed ensuring the perfect reason to buy her gifts. This fake birthday was put up on my profile with my likes and dislikes, measurements and sexual preferences.

I was then taken with my bags to my bedroom. It turned out the top floor of the three story house was for the British girls and the second floor was for the Czech girls. Amazingly no Dutch girls ever stayed there. I suppose they made better money in the red light district of town. There were two bedrooms on our floor. A third was being re decorated. So a couple living in the house took the smaller double room and I bedded in a large room with 3 double beds and four other girls including the one who had arrived with me and Jody.

I didn’t mind sharing. I was actually looking forward to it. I thought it would be abit like having a girly sleepover or maybe like getting to experience boarding school dorms for a couple of weeks and then going back to the luxury of my single bed room back in south London.
I didn’t realise the girls all worked shifts and would be in and out the room all the time I was trying to sleep. Plus the Czech girls worked the day shifts and the UK girls worked the nights so they could entertain the yanks where the time difference came in to play. It was also pointless asking the Czech girls to do nights as they couldn’t understand any English so the horny American guys wouldn’t have been able to communicate with them. So I was thrown into a pattern of 8 hr night shifts and then trying to sleep in a room of five girls all getting up to start their shifts and turning hair dryers on and of f whilst I was trying to sleep. As you can imagine I didn’t sleep much and I became rather emotional. I’ve never been a night person and my few months of working until 2am at a bar once was bad enough.

The first thing I did when I arrived in my new room was ask one of the other girls where Jody was. “In town” she said. We were free to wonder off in our spare time and Jody had taken the ferry across the river into central Amsterdam. I couldn’t wait for her to get back. When she did however I became paranoid that she was avoiding me. Why wasn’t the first thing she wanted to do was to come and find me? I had to remember this was a big house and had about 30 people wondering around it at any one time. When I eventually found her she was hanging out with one of the other Brit girls and they both seemed very pally. They were nearer each other’s ages and turned out they did the same levels of work ie; they were only part timers and didn’t do or didn’t want to do boy girl work.

Jody seemed abit frosty with me and far more interested in this other girl.
I can’t pretend I wasn’t gutted and deflated but I decided to try and make friends with this other girl too.
I’d been asked to spend some time that day watching how the other girls did there shows since id never done anything like this before.
I intended to buddy up with Jody but Jody suggested I watch Georgia and then we could all sit and smoke weed and have a girly giggle whilst Georgia did her shift. That sounded ok except I didn’t smoke but I’d rather of had some time alone with Jody. Still this was better than nothing. Believe it or not, being in Amsterdam, we were banned from using drugs and drinking alcohol in the house apart from party night which happened every Friday night and we were allowed – no change that - we were plied with alcohol in the hope we’d get into a big lesbian orgy.

Jody being a big weed smoker loved the fact she was in Amsterdam and was always being found out for having a sneaky splif. That wasn’t going to stop her. She worked hard and knew they wouldn’t throw her out.

Jody had to go and get ready for her shift so she suggested we both go to the bathroom and get ready. I could then sit with her when she started her shift and be ready to start mine an hour later.