Growing Some Thick Skin

Having had a near run in with a girl carrying scabies was not the end of my troubles in Amsterdam.

It was the turning point at which I realised things weren’t as rosy as I thought out there.

Id woken up to the idea that Jody wasn’t mine as I had once concocted in the depths of my naive brain. The reality was that Jody was a very free spirit and although she was happy to help me out she was in no way happy to hold my hand for very long. This also made me wake up to the fact that this business could be a very lonely one. Not really one of camaraderie. More one of floating soles finding their own way. It wasn’t the bitchy one id been warned of though.
Jody was very kind to me and through my disappointment she dealt with my clinginess gently. All the other girls in the webcam house were friendly enough. We argued but you would if you worked stupid hours and were permanently tired and had to share a room with 5 other girls. Each girl would enjoy a sisterly joke or moan or gossip with me but I knew at the same time if it came down to friendship or earnings the later would always win.

No one would argue if you suggested these girls weren’t the smartest pencil in the box. OK they aren’t rocket scientists or brain surgeons or academically intelligent but they were shrewd business women. Focused, committed and driven.

They would conduct their business mercilessly but make it an enjoyable experience in the process by making friends or having a giggle, getting plastered on cheap wine or whatever.

To some girls an enjoyable experience meant getting in and out of a shoot as quickly as possible so she could run off and get on with real life. Boyfriends, girl friends, other jobs or even kids. This porn thing was to take up as little of their time and life as possible and prove a mear distraction rather than a job.

I was impressed and taken aback at the same time. I suddenly grew alot of respect for porn girls and realised there is a certain survival instinct that they possess. I was going to have to toughen up here. I was without doubt a very driven and independent woman but could I compare to these girls. They were so “street” to what I felt was a sheltered and fortunate me.

Well I hadn’t just walked away from the best job Id ever had, the job that other girls went to university to get, to give up on this so quickly. Besides I enjoyed the work and if I could just get my head around the subconscious walls I was going to have to build up around myself id be fine.

In later years I experienced some of the closest female relationships I’ve ever had with girls in this industry, and in a rare period I built up friendships with a group of girls where our relationships superseded our commitment to our jobs and profits. But as I say that was rare and still is unheard of for such a group to bond in such a way.