Trouble In Paradise

My best friend was lying to me about not turning up to jobs and making me look like a fool in the process so we were on rocky ground to begin with.

I was fast coming to the conclusion that Cindy was a fantasist. She didn’t need to do porn to pay her bills. She had a normal job to do that so porn was just abit of fun and play to her. I’d met her on a job so I knew she would turn up for bookings when it suited her but the more I thought about it the more I realised she just liked the idea of being naughty and being made to feel sexy. Of being idolised by men and women the world over. Of getting to have sex with lots of good looking random strangers who were there for the same reasons as her. For being deemed as one of the glamorous elite.

Being a fantasist though sometimes shed lose her nerve and back out. She didn’t treat this as a job just a joke. A way to get her own kicks.
Each to their own and I guess she wasn’t physically hurting anyone but that soon changed.

I needed to go for my health check up and Cindy decided she should come along to and get herself tested. In those days tests weren’t mandatory for models only working to the levels Cindy worked too. Cindy said she should have one though to be on the safe side which I was pleasantly surprised to hear from her since she obviously wasn’t taking the business seriously.

We went back a week later for the results and Cindy was told she had a NSU. Non Specific Urethras. It wasn’t serious but they would treat her. She had most likely caught it sharing toys and these weren’t uncommon. Not an actual disease but the Drs found something there they didn’t deem serious enough to give its own name but wisely chose to treat anyway.
The clinic asked Cindy to take some treatment home for her boyfriend too as he would more than likely have it too.

We went back to her flat where she lived with her mum and boyfriend and she told me how she hated taking medicine especially pills. Rather strange since I later witnessed her downing ecstasy and fat lines of cocaine. I told her to crush up the pill and mix it in some yogurt. She did this and then pulled a disgusted face with the first mouthful. I told her she’d have to eat it now or she would have wasted the pill. The clinic only gave her one pill.
She made every excuse under the sun and in the end promised to eat it later. I left about 30 minutes later and I know that yogurt ended up in the bin.

How dare she do that to herself and to the people including me that she was going to work with. She knew she had something, however small and unthreatening, that could be passed on to her man or me or any other model but she wimped out of taking the medication and left everyone else at fates hand.
She didn’t see the harm in what she was doing as she couldn’t see further than herself in this business. There was only her having fun and nothing else occurred or mattered to her.

My mind was racing now that something was not right with this girl who I so much liked.

The icing on the cake came on the New Years Eve night I told you about earlier.
When Cindy, her man and myself all went back to the hotel in the early hours of the morning shed told me to get into bed with them both as she didn’t want me sleeping on the uncomfy sofa. The bed was a massive queen size affair so I agreed. Cindy and her fella started getting it on and kept looking over at me. People having sex in front of me was nothing new and I knew I wasn’t in their way as they had asked me to be in the bed with them. I just ignored them.

It wasn’t until the next day that the penny dropped. Cindy called me and said she was actually bi sexual. Not like most girls in the business that were gay for pay. She really was and she had convinced her fella to let her have a bisexual relationship with me as well as him. A love triangle. She had wanted me to join in with them in that bed that morning. I was told that I wasn’t allowed to engage in any action with her boyfriend though. He was off limits to me and we had to share Cindy but not each other.

I told her I liked her very much as a girl friend but that I didn’t think I was actually bi. I just enjoyed sex with men and woman. I certainly didn’t want that sort of relationship with a girl. And especially not a girl who was already with another guy. That just sounded unfair and like hard work to me. Not my cup of tea at all.

This girl was deluded. I’m sure she thought both of us would be falling at her feet for the opportunity. The fact shed gone around arranging our lives for us. Her boyfriend was besotted enough with her to allow her to do the porn and then naively to agree to let me share her with him. Well he was totally taken in by her but I wasn’t so I decided to cut all ties. This girl was psycho. All id wanted was her friendship but the way things were going it just wasn’t worth my sanity or effort.

Years later Cindy’s guy emailed me saying he’d split up with her. I don’t remember the reason he gave. I did my best not to pay any attention and in all honesty I didn’t trust it wasn’t her pretending to be him and see if id maybe run off with him or something equally as weird. She was the type to mess with people like that. If it wasn’t her all I could say was good for him.

I still see Cindys model ads up on modeling websites from time to time and wonder what other freeky shit she has dreamed up.

Women Trouble

As much as I enjoyed having Cindy as a friend it soon became apparent she wasn’t cut from the same cloth as me and cracks in our friendship started to show.
Initially shed been so keen to help me get work and vice versa and to do jobs together with me especially.

I started getting agents, photographers and producers calling me up asking questions about Cindy. At first I didn’t twig but one agent explained that she had cried off a shoot declaring she had gotten her period at the last minute.

Let me explain about porn and periods. Unless someone is producing a film or set of pictures to cater for the niche of period play or blood sports then sticking things like cocks or toys inside your bleeding vagina can be tricky aesthetically.

Some girls ask their family planning association to put them on contraception that ensures they never bleed. Some girls just don’t work when they are on. And some girls use a sponge.
Using toys or fucking with a hard long tampon inside u is rather dangerous so girls buy specially made sponges produced to allow women to continue to enjoy sex whilst they are menstruating. These sponges aren’t widely available so most girls buy cosmetic sponge from a chemist and cut it up. It’s not ideal and can cause thrush and bacterial vaginosis so some girls don’t like to use sponges. Plus not having a string like a tampon they can get lost.

The first time I used a sponge I specifically asked the girl I was working with not to insert the toys to far however in the height of passion things, instructions got forgotten. I ended up on the bathroom floor panicking id have to go to A&E to get the sponge removed but the girl responsible for pushing the sponge so deep calmed me down, told me to lay down, coated her fingers in lube and after a few seconds withdrew with the sponge between her fingers.

The next time wasn’t quite so graceful. I wasn’t as worried as I knew it would come out this time but I ended up on the floor with my legs in the air and a guy who I nick named dad using his speculum and two fork ends as giant tweezers to reach the sponge. Bloke’s fingers aren’t as slim and long as women’s.

So for the girls who just don’t work when they are on, they just don’t book any work for these weeks. Sounds easy right. Wrong. Any ladies out there reading this will know that probably 50% of women have irregular periods that just pop up when they feel like it so planning anything let alone this type of work around your period can be impossible.

Therefore when a girl like Cindy says she suddenly got her period it is completely plausible and is still one of the biggest excuses used for not going to work.
So was Cindy telling the truth or not.

Well since she claimed to me she had just come on the week before I though she must be telling porky pies. Maybe she had another good reason for not seeing the shoot through.
I asked her how the shoot went the next time I saw her. I was annoyed that id put her in touch with this agent and that agent was annoyed enough with Cindy’s unreliability to call me and ask me what I thought. It didn’t look good on me so I decided tricking Cindy wasn’t completely un justifiable in the circumstances.
Id got her the work and she in return threw it in my face.

She looked abit sheepish at first and then said that she’d had to go in and do some office temping that morning last minute. That how she paid her bills, office temping. The modelling was just a bonus to top up the wages.
I was livid that she was lying. I didn’t know if it was to me or my agent but she was lying.

I thought twice before putting her in contact with people from then on but Cindy got worse.

Friends or Foes

Going back to my time in the Dutch webcam house I made my first real friend in porn. Her name was Cindy and she was a pretty buxom girl from London. She told me she was fairly new to the business herself but she sounded like shed done a few more shoots than me so I looked to her for advice and help. Pretty much she took over from Jody but since she was new as well we and it was kind of like the blind leading the blind we became friends helping each other.

When I left the webcam house early I later heard she left 48 hours later. She said she agreed it was bad there but that she missed me. She went home to her boyfriend and mum who all lived in a council flat in north London. Her boyfriend knew about her career choice but she only worked up to a girl on girl level as they had set some rules which basically like many girls in the business whether there boyfriends know what they do or not feel that doing boy/girl shoots is cheating yet girl/girl or lesbian action is not. I suppose alot of guys would only dream about seeing their bird with another fit girl and this is why they agree as its abit of a fantasy for them. Or the girl can say “I wasn’t cheating on you. It was only another girl!” There is safety in lesbianism - apparently!

My man has quite a different view of this and he only likes to hear about shoots where I’m completely on my own. He doesn’t care if I’m with a man or woman. Unless I’m self loving it’s too much information for him to hear.

So Cindy and I would recommend each other for shoots. If they wanted a lesbo shoot wed say” I have the perfect model for you”. If we did solo shoots wed always suggest the photographer book each other next time. We started doing a webcam show in London which required two girls. We were scheduled to do one shift a week and always asked to be paired together. Wed meet up in town for a late lunch then get the tube to the studio. Her man would pick us up as by the time our show had finished the tubes has stopped running. He’d drop me home in south London then they would make their own way round London and home.

Wed meet up socially in between working together and chat on the phone a lot. Shed call and say she might have some work could she forward me the email and see what I think.
Id not had a friend like this since my school days and I liked it.

We went out together with her boyfriend on New Year’s Eve. He’d booked a lovely room in a nice hotel id never heard of near to the club and said I should come over to the room before hand for a few drinks and then we’d all get a cab to the club.

I felt abit odd about this. Abit like a gooseberry gate crashing this couples New Years Eve festivities. If they had said invite a friend of your own or that they were meeting other friends id have felt less invasive but they insisted and I like to socialise. I was new to living in London and still trying to get out and meet people.

It became apparent upon our arrival back at the hotel come the morning light why they were so keen to trap me and get me high as a kite and wonderfully drunk.

Too pretty for porn

When most people think of porno they think of tall thin Barbie looking girls with big hair and big tits that come around the corner 5 minutes before she does. This is a very typical American look.

You also have the jail bait girls. The young girls who are flat chested with a butter wouldn’t melt look about them. They are infact over 18 but the words “barely legal” and “teen” are used alot. Or “college” but never the term school as that insinuates they are underage. A big no no.

School uniforms are infact the most popular uniform for men but we try to pretend it’s not. It’s a very taboo subject. We know that dressing a 21 year old girl in a school uniform doesn’t mean a guy is a paedo but plenty would and no one wants to be tarnished with that brush. We don’t like to give the authorities any unnessacery ley way to pounce on us for being responsible for all the worlds’ woes.

The UKs gonzo/amateur market introduced a new breed of porn star. The girl next door. She looks very unsuspecting but still pretty in her own way. These girls though they might look like they would never consider taking a cock up the jacksey are infact ravenous nymphs. Fowl mouthed and willing to try anything.
We have many girl next door types in the UK. I’m one of them.

I had a stark realisation about looks in this business at a party once. I and a fellow xxx performer were invited to a birthday party for one of the live interactive TV stations. You know the ones. The girls are on the phones urging you to call in or text them.

I had previously appeared regularly on the first ever UK station to offer this kind of adult entertainment but this form of medium was now booming and several other channels had set up. Upon arrival at this stations party I was shocked to see droves of Barbie girls. Big hair, makeup applied with a shot gun and huge fake tits ahoy. Where had they all been hiding all this time? Apart from the odd stereo typical porn looking girl most of the girls id encountered looked very “normal”.

This is no problem for me but they were cliquier than the characters in Mean Girls. One or two of the girls knew me as they had been on the same sets as me and one of them even appeared alongside me – much to her disgust. Had I actually attempted to say “Hi” I’m sure she would have claimed not to remember the scene since she was with her bitch girl friends.
As me and my fellow girl next door both headed down the stairs I heard some comment about girls not being able to afford boob jobs proffered from one of the Barbies mouths. I asked my girlfriend if she’d heard that? We were both then flat chested and later to be pumped up to match these girls’ assets.

I wanted to go back and give this ignorant, arrogant girl a piece of my mind. How dare she think I couldn’t afford a boob job? I suppose she didn’t consider that some girls don’t want them. At the time I had turned my hand to producing and not just staring in movies and with the money I had made from shagging myself senseless id built up a very successful movie line. More about that later but this bitch didn’t know me from Adam. She assumed I was poor but the reality was I could have been a potential employer of hers and stared her in one of my own productions. I preferred at the time to re invest my earnings on making more porn rather than pumping up my chest to get more work.

Its then that I had the realisation that these girls are too pretty for porn. Most of the Barbies in the room didn’t do hardcore porn. Instead they did teasy TV shows and glamour shoots. At the most they might take their frilly panties off and use an oh so small vibe on their untouched virgin pussies.

They wouldn’t dare offer to shag a guy for work as their good looks alone would surely get them all the work they desired. There was no need to lower themselves to do that. They were the glamour girls and most had exactly zero personality to go with it.
At the time I was livid and detested these girls for their attitudes. I’d never encountered snobbery in porn. It’s friggin porn for crying out loud. Id later learn that there is alot of snobbish behaviour in this business. How odd!

I got the last laugh though as over the years I watched these girls either dwindle into nothingness or turn to hardcore porn once all the “nice” work dried up for them.

Myths Explained

Mainstream Porn is often incorrectly associated with child porn and paedophilia.
Just like the gay industry and the fetish world, child pornography is in no way in bed with the mainstream porn business. Unlike the gay and fetish industries that do on the rare occasion cross paths with us, the child porn one does not EVER!

Child pornography is by its definition a medium used for people to get off on just like fetish porn or gay porn or straight porn but that is where the similarities and associations end.

Despite already being thrown in the same pit as these evil people by the media, religious groups and members of the public, to which u might think, well there is no smoke without fire or you are already being tarnished with the same brush so you probably all do it just to live up to your already rubbished reputations, we actually feel as disgusted as these accusers do. We know people hate us anyway just for our seemingly immoral behaviour but we do have some morals. We are normal people and we get really offended by people who think we socialise and work alongside paedophiles.

In fact producers dealing in films that portray girls at too young an age usually find themselves being completely snubbed by the rest of the industry. School uniforms might actually be the consumer’s costume of choice but most producers refuse to supply this one demand.

And as for snuff movies, well I have to concede that these are a myth too.
I don’t deny they may happen but they certainly aren’t made by porn producers to cater to a demanding market. The porn industry actually realises they need talent for the business to work so killing them off isn’t exactly effective to productivity.

Snuff movies are the result of murderous nutters with a camcorder.

I remember making light of this phenomenon with a friend once when I first got into this crazy world. As I got out of his car and went to walk off I called back saying I was going to be filming one of those snuff films tomorrow. Then finished off by stating that if I enjoyed it I might ask to do another one.

Jokes aside it worked at reassuring him I wasn’t going to disappear anytime soon and that I work amongst usually civil people who know the difference between right and wrong.

Saved My Ass

Even though the Europeans are renowned for their fetish porn ranging from BDSM to bestiality and we are more known for our camp Benny Hill style efforts we do a fair bit of fetish film making here in the UK ourselves. Ok firstly I know the UK is in Europe but in porn they are considered two different territories.

Much like the gay film makers the fetish film makers are in there own separate clan and don’t tend to merge much with the mainstream pornographers. The variety of fetishes is to vast to mention but a lot of fetish “people” consider sex is nothing to do with their chosen fixation and so snub the dirty porno makers. They are rather snobby it must be said.

The point I’m trying to make here is that those people of the public that like to lump all porn makers into one big shady ses pit of scum don’t realise that the industry is very compartmentalised. The people that make extreme fetish porn don’t hang out with the people that make gay or vanilla porn. The people that make gay porn are very insular to the straight or fetish film industry. Rarely do any of these genres overlap.

But, again mainstream performers get cast in some of these fetish movies from time to time. Two particular fetishes that are very British based are spanking and WAM (wet and messy). That strict old fashioned discipline mixed with some repressed kink. The nice peachy white arse of some naughty English rose bent over a school master figure. Or the humiliation of getting gunged. Maybe for not getting a question right on a 1980’s Saturday morning kids TV show or maybe just for rebelling and having a jolly good food fight and messing ones spiffingly clean clothes up. We do as a nation have all the messy desserts that make WAM so possible.

I had a near escape with a hardcore spanking shoot early on in my career. Id only been in the business a few weeks and id had a few shoots but things had quietened down slightly. I was a little panicked that id quit my job and now I wasn’t going to get any more work being a porn slut. So when one of my agents called me up whilst knicker shopping and asked me if I’d do a spanking film I reluctantly agreed. I’m not at all into being spanked although I have no aversion to dishing it out. I realised I was going to be asked to do things I didn’t really enjoy in this job – isn’t everyone anyway? In some respects being a porn star is like being an actress. You pretend you like things or pretend you like them more than you actually do. So my monetary concerns and professional head told me to say yes to the job. In all honesty I really didn’t like the sound of it at all. I was warned I would be severely spanked and that it would be painful. No one ever lied to me about this fact. I handle pain well and even later when the producer – a somewhat well known character famed for his spanking movies and wealth – called me up to make sure I knew what I was letting myself in for. Id managed to convince myself id be ok and convinced him I’d be ok for the job in the process.

The next day I was just about getting ready to leave the house and make my way to the set when another agent of mine called up and asked what I was up to. I told him about the shoot and he rapidly started to explain to me the extent of spanking shoots. No one lied to me about what was going to happen they just preyed on my naivety. I didn’t know I would be beat until I bled. I didn’t know if I asked to stop I wouldn’t be paid. I didn’t know I wouldn’t be able to sit down on the train on the way home. I dint know I would be too bruised to work for the next three weeks. Suddenly the £250 I was getting didn’t sound so worth it.

I didn’t want to let these people down after convincing them id do the job despite knowing I was going to regret going through with it.

My agent convinced me to come and sit with him in his office that afternoon. He said he’d pay my train fare there and buy me a drink in the pub, just so he would know that I wouldn’t go through with that damning shoot. Strange thing is that’s probably one of the nicest things anyone ever did for me in this business but that agent turned out to be a nasty piece of scum anyway. I just had to call the producer and say I wasn’t coming. My other agent who had got me the job wasn’t going to be pleased but they must have half known to expect it in reality.

The more weeks went by in the business the more girls I met and an amazing amount of them told me stories of going to work for the rich spank daddy. One had to sit on a rubber cushion on the way home. One had to cancel a shoot she had the following day as she was so black and blue. All put on a brave face and I imagine had been pre warned in the same half truth fashion as me.

The odd thing is no one ever ever slated the vicious sod doing this. A lot even became friends with him.

A Real Womans Touch

Isn’t being in transsexual or gay porn abit risky???
Well maybe but in my experience with Miss Thing I believe she is one of the safest performers I’ve ever had the good fortune to work with.
She insisted we both go out and get fresh tests a few days before the shoot and because this was above and beyond the norm she offered to pay for it as well. She even got a special test which can detect HIV in a shorter window period as a good will gesture. These tests aren’t typical in the UK. They sound fabulous but the realities are they can throw up false positives.
We sat and discussed health issues for a while before we began the shoot too.

So what’s it like being with a he/she?
I was excited but I didn’t really know why. Miss Thing was, like myself, only human after all.
Actually her professionalism scared me more than anything else. She was very serious about what she did and I think one of the most focused people I’ve ever worked for. Some shoots it’s just like a constant party on set which is fun and some are so over choreographed it’s no fun at all. Her determination and drive were inspiring though. She wasn’t just doing this for a giggle, this was her business.

So we got ready and the cameras started to roll. She confessed she was actually nervous of working with me which I found flattering but helped me relax.
She was more sensual than a guy or any girl’s id ever filmed with before. I suppose she really had to work to prove her femininity where as most girls get in front of a camera and get abit masculine thinking the braver they are the better. With Miss Thing I actually felt like I was with a woman.

Then came the unveiling of the penis and I got butterflies again. It’s not like I’d never seen or handled a cock for heaven’s sake but I think I did what I’m always complaining men do to me. I put her on a magical pedestal. I had imagined her to be some wondrous creature like a unicorn and her cock would have sparks flying out the end of it or something.

The reality was it was just a cock. So I engaged my brain and did what I usually do when presented with such a thing. I was probably a little more tender than usual as I felt that’s the way things were progressing. I’ve since seen some of Miss Things other films and she is used to getting the shit fucked out of her like any true hardcore performer will be so this turned out to be quite a different scene for everyone involved including the paying customers.
I soon forgot Miss Thing was part man and part woman. One minute id have a lovely pair of tits in my face and the next a lovely hard cock. If I shut my eyes it was like being a part of a three some with another man and woman.

We did some anal positions and again she showed her empathy for me as a female performer. Most guys in porn are used to shoving there well endowed cocks up a girl’s tight ass but few know what it feels like to receive one. Miss Thing obviously did and so she teased me to begin with and made sure I was comfy which was a refreshing change.

The only down side I found to the whole thing was at the end. I love all the screwing but to me the cum shot at the end is always the icing on the cake. No pun intended. It’s like a reward for a job well done. Its closure on the event.
Miss Thing went on to explain that the hormones she takes mean she doesn’t produce sperm only seminal fluid which is very clear and not visually ideal for films. Plus there isn’t so much of it. So I was abit disheartened to find that my favourite bit wasn’t going to be a mind blowing finale. I understood why though.

And with that she spunk all over my face!